


Familial Resemblance

by heartsdesire456



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Political Animals, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Crossover Pairings, Humor, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, New Friends, Past Drug Addiction, Post-Canon, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sexual Content, Trolling, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:35:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been noticed before that Bucky Barnes and TJ Hammond look like, but when Bucky gets a haircut, the resemblance is made all the more obvious. When Bucky and Steve are photographed kissing in public just after his haircut the same week TJ Hammond happens to be in New York City, a media shitstorm of epic proportions leads to Bucky and TJ finally meeting. When they find out they are actually related, TJ and Bucky's friendship blossoms into media trolling the likes of which end up involving most of the Avengers.</p><p>(No real knowledge of <i>Political Animals</i> needed to follow)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Familial Resemblance

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Five Times TJ Hammond was Mistaken for Bucky Barnes (and One Time He Wasn't)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3739834) by [eleanor_lavish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleanor_lavish/pseuds/eleanor_lavish). 



> So AGES AGO I got the idea for this fic and talked about it and JUST NOW I finally finished it. I've been eeking out a few words here and there for literally months on this one.
> 
> It's crack, lol. It's nothing that serious, BUT there is a little angst due to TJ's past.
> 
> Speaking of! I said in the summary you don't need to know much about the show to follow and that's true. All you need to know is the following:  
> -TJ Hammond is the gay son of former president Bud Hammond and current president Elaine Barrish  
> -TJ was outed as a teenager in the white house and it sent him down a spiral of drug addiction problems that lasted into his early 30s  
> -Douglas Hammond is his twin brother, Anne is Douglas's wife, and Margaret is his grandmother
> 
> Even most of that is explained in the fic without you needing to know going in. The events of Political Animals are all in the past, so nothing in that plot is terribly relevant. When Political Animals ended, Elaine had decided to run for president against the VP who was sworn in post-death of the current president, and this fic starts with her inauguration, so literally nothing is important from that plot.
> 
> Enjoy!

Everybody had joined in the common room to watch the inauguration of the first female president the US had ever had, but it was Bucky who kept making comments. “You know, it’s fuckin’ ridiculous it’s been so goddamn long and this is the first lady to be president,” he said, shaking his head. “What the fuck happened after the war?” he asked rhetorically.

After a few minutes, more people giving speeches before the president was meant to be sworn in, and Bucky started going again. “And why the fuck are people giving her shit for not being married? I mean, sure, most presidents have been married, but it’s the goddamn twenty-first century, do people still think a woman needs a husband to do shit? Oh Stevie, if your mother could’ve seen this bullshit-“

Pepper sighed. “James, while I greatly appreciate your feminist outbursts – and I’m not kidding, I’m very pleased with your outlook – I’m trying to hear what they’re saying. She’s going to speak any minute now.”

Bucky sighed, giving her an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

Steve grinned, curling his arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “Trust me, Buck, if it wasn’t you, it’d be me yelling at those assholes.”

Tony looked up from his spot with his head in Pepper’s lap to look across the room at them. “I’m sorta surprised Old Man Winter is all pro-women. I mean, Cap’s best friend is Natasha, she’d have killed him by now if he wasn’t, but not Barnes. Weren’t you born before women could even vote?”

Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, what’s your point?”

“I’m not saying it would be your fault, I’d have just thought cultural attitudes would influence you is all,” Tony said.

“Pal, I grew up spending a lot of time around Steve’s single mother. Do you know the shit Mrs. Rogers put up with from assholes who didn’t wanna let her rent an apartment without a man to sign shit, or assholes who thought she shouldn’t be working when she had a kid to take care of?” Bucky shook his head. “Besides, I had a mother, too. And two sisters. I’d have punched the jerk that said my sisters shouldn’t have everything I could.”

Steve smirked, eyes on the TV as he muttered under his breath, “Not to mention how much less tail he’d have gotten if girls weren’t allowed to go out whenever they wanted without a man to look after them.”

Bucky slapped him in the gut. “Shut up, you. It’s not like I got half the action you convinced everybody I did.” He smirked at Tony. “But yeah, women’s sexual liberation was totally something that had my support. Hard to make time with a gal if she’s not allowed to go do shit without her old man around.”

Steve smirked. “And yet when you finally got out from under your parents, you just ended up givin’ up girls,” he teased, earning a flirty wink from Bucky.

“While this is very fascinating,” Bruce droned. “I’d really like to listen to President Barrish speak and she’s heading for the microphone.”

Steve spotted the president’s son about the time he felt Bucky tense and knew he had seen him, too. Bucky managed to hold it in until after everything was done on screen before blurting out, “I know Steve warned me the president’s son looked like me but what the hell?!” he demanded, eyes wide. 

Steve nodded seriously. “I met them at a charity event back before you came back. It was freaky. He even sorta sounds like you. I mean his accent is different, but his voice.”

Clint hummed. “The gay one, right?” he asked, looking over at Steve, who nodded. He smirked. “Did you get his number.”

Steve gave him a stricken look. “You think I’d try to hit on a guy that looks like _Bucky_ when I still thought Bucky was dead?” he asked, and _Tony_ was the one to glare at Clint.

“That would be like me trying to replace Pepper with another tall, leggy redhead. That’s not cool,” he chastised. 

Sam grinned. “Besides, he tried to replace Bucky with me, only I like women so he had to accept me as a friend instead,” he said and Steve blushed.

“I hate that I ever admitted that to anybody,” he muttered.

Bucky turned and pecked his cheek. “It’s fine you tried to tap that. I was dead and Sam is hot. I’d have approved from heaven if I was really dead,” he promised. He looked back at the screen and shook his head. “Damn that guy looks just like me. Are we related?” he asked, looking around the room. “I’m not accidentally the President’s dad am I? Did I knock a girl up and never knew?” he asked, looking slightly terrified of the thought.

Steve shook his head. “She was born in the fifties,” he said and Bucky sighed in relief.

“Thank God. I was worried she just looked really young or something.”

Steve gave him a suspicious look. “The last time you had sex with a woman that I’m aware of was in thirty-eight. Any kid would be in its late seventies. Or do you know something I don’t?” he asked.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Trust me, Babydoll, I didn’t so much as give a girl more than a kiss on the cheek after the first time you ‘n me screwed.” He winked. “You ruined me for all others, Stevie.” He grimaced. “Which makes me even more confused about the First Son looking like me. What the hell?”

Bruce shrugged. “Genetics are weird, really. Mathematically and genetically speaking, there are people who look just like each of us out there right now.”

Clint hummed seriously, then nodded. “I wanna find my look-alike and fight him.”

“Do _not_ fight your doppelganger,” Pepper warned him with a knowing look. They all knew Clint would totally do it just for shits and giggles. She looked back to the screen. “TJ Hammond does look pretty good at least. Better than when he was last in the tabloids.”

“What’d he do?” Clint asked, looking over at Pepper.

Tony made a sympathetic sound. “The guy used to be every other week’s gossip column fodder at first for being a gay teenager, then for being caught with drugs in night clubs, and he was in an out of rehab for years.”

“And he tried to kill himself,” Pepper added, shaking her head with a sad look. “Poor boy. There was another attempt a year later but the reports were mixed between overdose and accidental overdose. The first time was definitely a suicide attempt though.” She smiled over at Clint. “They say he’s been sober for nearly two years now, though. So hopefully he’ll stay out of the tabloids.” She hesitated, then glared playfully at Tony. “Unless he gets caught screwing another rich guy,” she said pointedly.

Clint’s jaw dropped and even Bruce’s head popped up, a confused expression crossing his face. “Uh, what?”

Tony blushed some. “I may have had sex with him about… I dunno? Eight years ago?” 

Pepper nodded. “I got to work one morning and the secret service were at the Malibu house,” she said, and Tony shoved her and whined, hiding his face in a throw pillow. “What? It’s not like you didn’t sleep with younger supermodels than his mid-twenties.”

Bruce gave him a strange look. “Wait, were you _serious_ when you offered to test out whether sex makes me go green like an hour after we met?” he asked, looking alarmed.

“Oh no,” Tony said, then winked at Pepper. “I was already Pepper’s property by then.”

Pepper just smirked and reached out to grab his hand, pulling it into her lap. “And don’t forget it, Dear.”

~

It was only a few months into President Barrish’s first term that the avengers all got invited to a gala event at the White House for charity. It was also the first time Bucky – who the public knew about but never saw – was going to accompany them to an event with press. They were all confident nobody would fuck with him and he wouldn’t piss off the wrong people (at least no worse than Tony.)

What all of them had somehow over looked, however, was that this meant Bucky was going to meet President Barrish and her family. Including the son that looked just like him.

Steve had met Elaine Barrish several times before, so when they were introduced during all the mingling, she smiled with recognition. “Captain Rogers, always so good to see you,” she said, taking his hand. She hadn’t taken a good look at Bucky and as he shuffled up behind Steve some to stop from being whacked in the head by a passing waiter’s trays, hilariously, President Barrish glanced at him and began to say, “TJ don’t even think you’re going to get out of the rest of the greetings with-“ She stopped in surprise when Bucky turned back to look at her and she actually got a look at his face. “Oh my.” She smiled suddenly to cover her reaction. “Sergeant Barnes, I have to apologize. We’ve all seen the photos of course, but your resemblance to my son is absolutely remarkable up close.”

Bucky smiled tightly and nodded. “So I’m told. I’ve already had one person mistake me for your son tonight,” he said, clearing his throat awkwardly, looking down as he coughed into his fist. “An… admirer.” He gave Steve a small shrug. “I’m pretty sure the, uh, ‘offer’ I got was physically impossible,” he muttered, and Steve elbowed him before laughing to cover what he said as he turned back to President Barrish.

“Yeah, we’ve all found it very curious, but I guess everybody has a look-alike somewhere out there,” Steve said conversationally. “Hopefully mine has a quiet life-“

“Elaine,” an older woman interrupted. “TJ and I are gonna make an escape while we can, the booze are really starting to flow, Honey,” she said, and Steve glanced behind her, just in time to still as TJ Hammond came through the crowd and stopped short, staring at Bucky in shock.

President Barrish glanced between them, eyes still a bit uneasy. “Well. Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, this is my mother, Margaret, and TJ, we were just talking about your uncanny resemblance to Sergeant Barnes,” she said, but TJ and Bucky were too busy giving each other slightly creeped out stares.

“Maaaan, I know the museum looked kinda like me, but holy shit,” TJ blurted out, then winced, giving his mother an apologetic look. “Sorry, Mama.”

Bucky chuckled uneasily. “Uh, yeah. It’s pretty strange.” He forced a laugh. “You sure there wasn’t some mix up and his brother and I didn’t get swapped in there somewhere?” he joked, though clearly the polite laughter was just that. “I thought the weirdest thing science could do was make Steve look the way he does. I mean what are the chances me and the President’s son would look so alike just on random genetics?”

Margaret made a face. “Random genetics?” She glanced at her daughter. “What the hell, Elaine, you know good and damn well Sergeant Barnes here is your uncle,” she said, and Steve could hear the simultaneous cracks as TJ and Bucky both jerked their heads to look at her.

President Barrish gave her mother a disbelieving look. “No, I did _not_ know that, Mother. How could I?”

Margaret gave an eye roll and a ‘hun’. “Well that shows how much you listen to me, doesn’t it?” She nodded at Bucky. “Sammy was his brother. I mentioned that when the whole ‘Captain America was found frozen’ thing came up a few years back.”

“ _Samuel_ had a kid?!” Bucky blurted out, then winced. “Sorry, I just-“ He smiled apologetically. “I read from the records that Samuel died young.” He nudged Steve. “You remember, Samuel. He was the youngest.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I remember. He was ten years younger than I was.” He gave a politely confused smile. “I thought he died in his early twenties?”

“Oh he did,” Margaret said, waving a hand. “Drugs and booze did him in but we were only married about a year.” She winked. “Only got married cause I was knocked up-“

“Ew, Nana,” TJ said, making a face. “Can we not?”

She chuckled. “Anyways, that’s why he looks like you, Kid,” she said, looking at Bucky then at TJ. “Sammy looked a lot like you, too. Except the eyes.”

Bucky smiled tightly. “Yeah, he was the only one of us with brown eyes.”

President Barrish laughed and held her hands out some, palms up. “Well, I guess nice to meet my long-lost war-hero Uncle I heard about a few times,” she said and Bucky grinned, both of them looking as uncomfortable as the other.

“Hey, that’s totally cool, though. Having a war hero in the family gives you back the bonus points having two addicts in the family lost you,” TJ said, wiggling his eyebrow. “Win-win!”

Bucky gave him a look, eyebrow raised. “I got tried for terrorism,” he said flatly and TJ shrugged.

“Still less of a problem than a queer druggy son and an alcoholic mother in their eyes.” He looked at him. “Speaking of queer druggy son, any chance you had a guy proposition you earlier? I think there’s a tabloid photographer pretending to be a guest that wants to sell me drugs and knock me off the wagon and I wanna let the security guys know but I lost him,” he explained. 

Bucky grinned. “Yeah, it’s that blonde over there,” he said, gesturing over his shoulder. “Navy tux guy. Pretty sure what he suggested he could do with me isn’t physically possible,” he warned, but TJ just snickered.

“Awww, it’s adorable how hetero naivety looks on my face,” he said, winking. “Thanks, Man, I owe you one,” he said, smacking a kiss to his mom’s cheek before ducking back into the crowd, headed to the nearest security guard. 

Steve actually couldn’t help but smile at the annoyed almost-pout Bucky had on his face when he looked at Steve in confusion and mumbled, “I’m not hetero,” defensively. 

Margaret raised both eyebrows. “Hey, maybe that’s genetic too,” she said to President Barrish before nodding TJ’s way. “We’re gonna blow this popsicle stand.”

Steve chuckled and held out a hand for the President once more. “We better let you get on to the next, but it’s an honor to be here, ma’am, thank you so much for inviting us.”

“Yeah, it was great to meet you, ma’am,” Bucky said, taking her hand after Steve.

She just smiled and shrugged at Bucky. “Hey, apparently we’re all family here, so it was nice to meet you, too.”

~

Steve and Bucky never hid their relationship now that they were together and living in a time where they could be together openly. In fact, Steve was happy to let Bucky be as physical as he wanted to in the past but never could. Bucky always held his hand, or sat in his lap, or stood with his arm around Steve. They were constantly stealing kisses and hugs in public and basically being obnoxiously in love. They didn’t make out and grope on the sidewalk or anything, but they were like the obnoxious honeymoon couples that never seemed to be out of each other’s reach, because it was all so new and so unbelievable to them. 

They had been together for several years before the war and they had never gotten to let the world know how in love they were. Sure, back in the forties men were allowed more friendly intimacy than the current day seemed to offer, but they couldn’t let anybody know it was more than friendship. Now they could shout from the rooftops that they’re in love and nobody (well mostly nobody) gave a damn.

So when Bucky got tired of his hair and got it cut, on their way home, Steve didn’t hesitate to run his fingers through his shorter hair as they sat side by side on the train. It was still longer than Steve’s, enough to show his fluffy waves, but it was much shorter. Steve wanted to kiss him, so he did, hand still in his hair, without any reservations. 

It was only the next day when they woke up to headlines screaming “CAPTAIN AMERICA DATING FIRST SON?!” that they discovered TJ Hammond’s most recent haircut was the same as Bucky’s. 

And that TJ Hammond happened to be in New York sharing a temporary apartment with his sister-in-law while she did a big redesign and he negotiated on a building for a second night club.

And that TJ Hammond happened to own a brown leather jacket the same shade as the one Bucky had stolen from Steve’s closet that day and was spotted eating lunch with his sister-in-law six blocks from Stark Tower.

~

Pepper managed to set up a meeting with TJ Hammond so they could apologize for the unwanted attention he had to be getting and she also set up a short Skype interview so they could straighten things out together. 

When TJ arrived at the tower, the funniest part was how even the security guard at the door called him, “Mr. Barnes” when he announced someone was waiting downstairs. 

Bucky and Steve were waiting in one of the more casual lounges that served as a waiting area or a meeting area for those who weren’t invited into the more domestic part of the living floors when the elevator opened and TJ walked in, looked around the corner, then smiled. “Awesome, thanks ceiling dude!” he called.

“My pleasure, Sir,” JARVIS replied, and he gestured to the ceiling with a bright grin.

“That’s the coolest thing ever,” he said on his way over. He looked at Bucky and unconsciously reached up and raked a hand through his hair. “Seems we both went to hairdressers who figured out what compliments a killer jaw, huh?” he joked.

“Something like that,” Bucky said, reaching out to shake TJ’s hand in greeting. 

Steve did the same and gave him a sheepish smile. “Look, we’re really sorry about all this. I know how the rumors can get.” He gave him that ‘sincere golden retriever look’ Clint talked about and shook his head. “I really hope we didn’t mess up things with a boyfriend or something.”

TJ scoffed. “I haven’t done the boyfriend thing in two years now, it’s no problem.” He winked. “Too bad the rumors aren’t true, I could do with a hot blond.” He laughed at the startled look on Steve’s face then shrugged as he glanced to Bucky. “Guess I was wrong about calling you hetero, Man.”

Bucky smirked and reached out to slide his arm around Steve’s waist. “Hell yeah you were.” He turned and gave Steve a wink. “Stevie’s been my gorgeous Babydoll since the thirties.”

TJ’s smile softened. “Awww, really? You guys were a couple back then?”

Steve nodded with a small grin. “Yep. I wore him down,” he said and Bucky shoved him playfully.

“Oh please.” He walked over and sat down, prompting TJ to do the same at the other end of the couch. “His dumb ass kept almost dyin’ on me. He was totally doing it to get me to sleep with him. His bones hurt him when it got too cold in the winter, so eventually we gave up on having two little beds and shoved ‘em together to make one big bed so he could snuggle up to me.” Bucky winked. “Winter ended but that part didn’t, if you know what I mean.” 

TJ laughed. “No shit? That’s hilarious.” He gestured between them absently. “Is that why you two are all lovey-dovey in public? Cause you can be?”

“Yep,” Bucky said enthusiastically. “I’m gonna marry him one day just cause we can, even.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Also, a lot of it isn’t even that big of a deal for us.” He made a face. “This century is weird about the ‘oh my god I must not seem gay!’ thing. Back in our day, there was no ‘bro hug’ crap like Sam pulls on me. If you wanted to grab your buddy in a big ol’ hug nobody thought that was ‘gay’. Arm around the shoulders, not gay.” He counted off on his fingers. “Holding hands was hit or miss, if it was laced fingers, that was a little queer, but just grab your buddy’s hand when he needed some comfort cause his girl dumped him or whatever, it was just being a good friend.” He continued. “Sharing a bed was only queer if you had sex like me and Bucky did, but that wasn’t even just buddies.”

Bucky snickered. “Man, me and my two sisters shared a bed until I moved out to go live with Steve. We were brother and sisters so nobody thought anything of it, it was just cause we only had three beds and there were eight of us. After I left, my two sisters just had more room and more blankets. In the army, it was cold as hell, everybody piled up together.”

Steve nodded. “Seriously. Hell, a friendly kiss on the face was fine even.”

TJ chuckled. “My Dad’s family’s all like that. They’re from the south and they all still grab each other around the back of the neck and kiss each other’s faces.” He grinned. “Damn, I bet queer guys could get away with a lot before people caught on they were queer, huh?”

Bucky made a hesitant face. “Yes and no. Yeah, you could hug your fella and nobody’d think it wasn’t just friendly, but if somebody did work out you two were screwin’ that’d be it. You’d be done for,” he said and Steve nodded seriously.

“Only ones safe were ones with ties to some mob,” he agreed. 

TJ smiled and shook his head. “It’s just crazy to me how easy you make it sound. I know it has to be harder than that, but you two make it sound like you two being together back then wasn’t the scariest thing ever.”

Steve shrugged, making a face. “Cause I wasn’t scared of anything except not having Bucky,” he said as if it was the most simple thing in the world. “I lived my whole life with one foot in the grave anyways. For me, there wasn’t a hypothetical when you say ‘life’s too short’ because I knew damn well my life wasn’t gonna be all that long, so I wasn’t gonna be scared of nothin’, ‘specially not too scared of loving him.”

Bucky turned and gave Steve an appraising look, clearly surprised. “Damn, Sugar. That’s pretty morbid.” He raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you really think ‘fuck it, I’m gonna die young anyways’? Is that actually why you went for it?”

Steve gave him a slightly guilty smile. “Yeah? I just didn’t ever tell you that because I knew how much it got you all worked up when I talked about my own mortality.”

Bucky gave him a stern look. “Because I wasn’t gonna let all the hard work your Ma and me had done to keep you alive go to waste.”

“Bucky, you know damn well I wasn’t gonna make it to thirty-five the shape I was in,” he said with a gentle smile. “Buck, c’mon.”

Bucky shook his head. “I was not letting you get away from me that early, Punk. I’d have joined the goddamn mafia to get favors before I let you die that young.”

Steve chuckled as he turned to TJ, then gestured at him. “See? This is what I lived with. Always fussin’ over me. Always going on about how I wasn’t gonna die on his watch.”

TJ gave a tight smile. “I- uh- I sorta know the feeling.” He rubbed at the back of his head. “My mom’s the only one that never even entertained the thought I’d die.” He waved his hand, making a face. “All the drugs, you know.”

Bucky winced. “Yeah, I heard about that.”

Steve nodded meekly. “Glad you’re doing better.”

TJ snorted awkwardly. “Me, too, Man. Everybody else besides Mama had given up on me, I think. Think half the reason I’ve managed to stick with it for so long is guilt that they all were just waiting for the day they got a call that I was dead, half to prove them fuckin’ wrong, you know?”

Bucky gestured to Steve. “That was his number one motivation in everything. Prove people they were wrong about him.”

“ _Was_?” Steve asked, giving him a playful grin. “You think I ate seven birthday cakes in one sitting just for shits and giggles last week? Thor said he could eat more than me and I had to prove him wrong.”

TJ made a face and gave Bucky an alarmed look. “Ew.”

“You have no idea,” Bucky said with a longsuffering look of despair.

~

Bucky and Steve sat together in front of the camera for their Skype interview to start. “We wanted to clear a few things up,” Steve said after the interviewer offered them a chance to speak about the photo of Steve and supposedly-TJ kissing. “This?” He gestured to Bucky. “Not TJ Hammond.”

Bucky shook his head and held up his metal hand. “Bucky Barnes here, definitely not the offspring of the President of the United States.”

“So was it you, Sergeant Barnes, in that photo?” she asked and Bucky grinned.

“Yep!” He turned and pressed a kiss to Steve’s cheek quickly. “TJ knows to keep his damn hands off my Steve,” he said and Steve smiled brightly.

“Speaking of TJ-“

TJ popped up from behind the couch they were sitting on, leaning over the back to sling an arm around each of their shoulders. “I’m not into old guys, sorry, Cap,” he said and Steve chuckled.

“No offense taken, I like men with shared life experience, not spoiled little rich boys,” he teased and TJ laughed, shoving him playfully.

“Shut it, Gramps.” He turned and waved at the camera. “Hey everybody. It’s me, TJ Hammond, here to confirm that I am not, in fact, dating America’s Sweetheart-“

Bucky snorted. “Technically I’m ‘America’s Sweetheart, he’s ‘America’,” he said, and Steve doubled over, laughing into his hands at the look of utter lack of amusement that TJ gave Bucky.

TJ sighed, shaking his head at the camera. “The point here is that we may look alike, so I understand the confusion, but I’m not Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes is not me, and if you need some help identifying us in the future-“ Bucky raised his metal hand. “One of us is part-robot,” he said, gesturing to Bucky’s hand. “I’m taller and skinnier-“ Bucky flexed for the camera, smirking as he flexed his chest under his tight tee-shirt. TJ grinned suddenly. “And I’m never gonna do this ever again-“ He turned suddenly and kissed Steve right on the mouth, startling him into momentarily kissing back before he jerked away and laughed at Steve’s shocked and confused expression. TJ turned to the camera and winked. “I’m probably about to die for that, but it was worth it,” he said, then jumped back before Bucky could grab him by the collar. “BYYYYEEE!” he shouted as he ran around the couch and disappeared from the camera’s view.

Bucky looked at the adorably confused look on Steve’s face as he stared into the distance, clearly still trying to work out what just happened, and sighed. “Well that’s great, you broke him, TJ!” he shouted at the door TJ ran through. He looked back at the camera and shrugged. “Apparently kissing the son of a sitting president causes temporary paralysis, but what Steve would probably mean to say here is that that was the only time you’ll ever see TJ Hammond and Captain America kiss. For one, Steve and I were lovers back in the nineteen thirties and now that I’m back, we’re right back where we were. For another…” He smirked. “C’mon, who would want a skinny little pretty boy like TJ when you could have me?” he asked, blowing the camera a kiss before reaching over to turn off Skype without even listening to any following questions from the interviewer.

Steve cleared his throat, blushing. “Uh, so… you’re not mad at me for kissing him, right?” he asked and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Oh please, he kissed you, and you never got mad when I kissed girls back in the day.” Steve gave him a slow grin and leaned in to kiss him, but Bucky turned his head away, making Steve frown adorably. “Sorry, Charlie, but you have ‘blood relative’ on your lips, I just cannot kiss you right now,” he said, hopping up from the couch “C’mon, let’s find TJ and run away before Pepper comes and kills us all.”

Steve chuckled and nodded. “I like your ideas, Barnes.”

“I know ya do, Sweetheart,” he said, leading the way after TJ.

~

Sadly, Pepper had, in fact, heard about their little interview, and the very next evening Steve and Bucky found themselves sitting in Pepper’s office with TJ and his sister-in-law, who was currently on the phone with TJ’s brother. “Yes, he kissed Captain America in a live interview, but it isn’t like he stabbed anybody, Douglas.”

“It’s still pretty bad,” Pepper interrupted, arms crossed as she looked at Steve sternly, which was unfair, if you asked Steve, since it wasn’t his fault.

Anne stiffened. “Oh, your mom wants to talk to TJ?” She turned to TJ, who shook his head, holding up pleading hands to her. “Of course she can, I’ll put her on speaker,” she said, and TJ gave her a betrayed, slack-jawed look.

“Thomas James Hammond, I cannot believe you would pull a stunt like this after the leaps and bounds towards being more mature you’ve made,” the President of the United States’s voice stated, ringing through the office.

It was surreal to say the least.

TJ sighed. “Mama, come on. You’re really angry because I kissed a boy? After everything, that’s actually still a problem?”

“He is not ‘a boy’, you kissed Captain America – without his permission I should add – during a live interview,” she countered. “TJ, you cannot molest Captain America. You just can’t. I’m the president and he’s the living symbol of American Patriotism these days. People look at it as TJ Hammond once again throwing a ‘fuck you’ at the country. You’d have less contention aimed at you if you had groped the Statue of Liberty.”

TJ snickered, biting his lip. “Hey, I’ve seen Captain America’s boyfriend grope him already this week, trust me, it could be worse.”

“Captain America’s boyfriend is not the president’s son-“

“He looks like the president’s son,” Anne commented, looking between Bucky and TJ with a look of discomfort. “A lot like the president’s son.”

Bucky butted in. “Bucky Barnes here, Ma’am. I’d like to add that Steve’s getting way more heat for liking cock than TJ is for kissing him.” 

Steve spluttered. “Bucky! You can’t say ‘Steve likes cock’ to the _President of the United States of America_!” he cried, cheeks burning red.

Bucky shrugged. “She’s got two kids, most likely she likes cock, too,” he said simply and Pepper actually slapped a hand over her eyes, shaking her head in defeat.

“I promise you, I’m not too sensitive to hear the word ‘cock’, Captain,” President Barrish said over the phone, making Steve blush even deeper. “And it’s frankly ridiculous people can give you shit for anything, but you having a boyfriend and TJ kissing you just to stir up a reaction are entirely different things.”

TJ scoffed. “I didn’t kiss him to stir shit up, I kissed him cause how many people can say ‘I’ve kissed Captain America’?!”

Bucky snickered. “Like, six people ever. Three of which are currently alive.”

“Four and seven,” Steve corrected. “Natasha kissed me as a diversion once,” he explained. 

TJ grinned. “See, Mama?! I’m one of seven people in ever to be able to say ‘I’ve kissed Captain America’. It’s totally worth the risk of his boyfriend murdering me!”

There was a heavy sign over the phone. “Look. TJ, Anne has important work to do. She isn’t supposed to be babysitting you, you’re supposed to be roommates for a few weeks. Do I need to send a secret service agent to shadow you?”

TJ made a face. “Mooooom, I’m in my thirties-“

“And you still made out with Captain America just to get a rise out of people,” she countered. 

Pepper cleared her throat. “Madam President. What if we let him stay here to stay out of Anne’s hair?”

“Hello! I’m an adult-“

“Shush,” Pepper said, and TJ looked offended, which made Bucky snicker and nod.

“She’s like that,” he said simply.

President Barrish laughed. “Well if anybody can keep TJ out of trouble, I guess you can, Ms. Potts.”

TJ made a face and Bucky winked at him. “Looks like you’re saying with us then.”

~

TJ sighed dramatically, slumping further down in the couch. “Oh my God do you guys not do _anything_ around here?!” he asked, looking over at Steve and Bucky on the other couch. They had been watching baseball for what felt like hours.

TJ was so bored.

Monumentally bored.

He really thought superheroes lives would be more exciting than this. He had a meeting the next day, but until then, he’d been told to stay put, and that order had come three days ago. They were so serious that Tony Stark’s impressive booze collection had temporarily been relocated behind his private lab’s locked doors just to keep the temptation away from TJ. 

“This is worse than psych ward lockdown,” TJ argued. “Do you ever do anything fun?”

Bucky shrugged from his spot with his head on Steve’s lap, body stretched along the rest of the couch the two of them shared. “We have lots of sex,” he said and Steve nodded absently, eyes still on the game on TV. 

“Yeah, we’ve still got a lot of years to make up for,” Steve agreed.

TJ slumped further down in the couch. “Does anybody else do anything fun around here?” The elevator doors pinged open and he excitedly turned his head, hoping it might be something interesting, but all that happened was a guy in black yoga pants (that clearly were once made for a woman much smaller than him) and a hoodie came shuffling in, rubbing at his impressive bedhead. “Well shit.”

“Hey Steve, Tony wants you to come test something for him,” the guy said. He noticed TJ and waved absently. “Hey, TJ, right? I’m Clint.” He flopped onto the opposite end of the couch from TJ. 

Steve sighed, but nudged Bucky. “C’mon. Probably wants to see if I can break something or if it’s strong enough.”

Bucky sat up. “Oh cool, I’ll come help.”

TJ perked up. “Can I come?” he asked, but Steve gave him an apologetic look.

“Sorry. Booze lab. You’re not allowed in,” he said and TJ grumbled, slumping back into the couch. 

“Well shit.” Steve and Bucky left and Clint grabbed the remote, offered it to TJ, and when he declined, he started flipping channels. After about fifteen minutes of finding nothing more fun than a telenovela, TJ looked over at Clint and examined him for a minute.

He knew who he was. He was Hawkeye. Clint looked to be in his forties, probably about ten years older than TJ. His hair was spikey and sorta blonde, his eyes were a pretty blue color, and his face was pretty nondescript but when he laughed at whatever they said on the TV, he was cute enough. His arms seemed pretty big beneath the hoodie and the yoga pants showed off thick thighs at least. 

“Something on my face?” Clint asked when he caught TJ staring.

TJ just turned to him some, propping his face on his hand. “Wanna make out?” he asked bluntly.

Clint turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously?” TJ nodded with a shrug, and Clint looked at him for a bit before shrugging. “Eh, what the hell.” He turned to face TJ and TJ slid down the couch until they were side by side and was surprised when Clint didn’t hesitate, just leaned in to kiss him.

TJ was pleasantly surprised when Clint didn’t pussy out on it, he kissed him with some intent, slinging his arm around TJ’s shoulders. TJ reached out and curled his hand around the back of Clint’s neck. He hummed interestedly when Clint tilted his head and deepened the kiss. Clint sucked on his bottom lip and TJ gasped, surprised at the move. Clint seemed to take that as encouragement as he slid his hand up to cup the back of TJ’s head, his free hand moving to rest on TJ’s outer thigh. 

Clint pulled away for a second, sliding his lips to TJ’s jaw. “Hey, you’re not like, twenty or something, right?” he asked. “Cause that’d be sorta creepy of me.”

TJ snorted. “Dude, you don’t even know how old the President’s son is?” He turned and sighed as Clint’s lips trailed down the side of his neck. “No way, man, I’m thirty-two.”

“Oh good, that’s not like half my age or something, we’re good,” Clint said then, to TJ’s surprise, he grabbed him by the hips and pulled him into his lap.

TJ laughed, and wiggled his eyebrows. “Strong. I like it,” he said, then slid his hands through Clint’s hair and kissed him again, shoving him back against the back of the couch as he settled on his lap.

Making out with an Avenger, he thought, was a great way to break the boredom of the day.

~

TJ groaned, tightening his leg around the back of Clint’s thigh as Clint nipped at his nipple, then flattened his tongue against it. “Fuck, c’mere,” he grunted, tugging Clint up by his hair, gasping when Clint slid up to kiss him again, grinding their hips together as he went. 

TJ’s tongue was in Clint’s mouth when they were rudely interrupted.

“CLINT BARTON!” Clint nearly bit TJ’s tongue he jerked away so fast. Clint sat up and TJ listed up on his elbows, only to see Pepper standing there with her arms crossed and a wide-eyed Bruce Banner beside her. “Care to explain why you’re _on top of_ the First Son?!”

Clint shrugged. “Nothin’ better to do around here?” he said simply, reaching for his shirt, only to frown when he picked up a shirt that was clearly too small, then offered it to TJ.

TJ pulled his shirt on. “Also, ‘The First Son’ has a name. And a life beyond being the president’s son. One that includes being bored and gay so why not make out with a hot dude in my general vicinity?” He winked at her. “Hey, be glad you’re keeping me out of trouble. He’s an Avenger, not a drug dealer. Or a random dude off Grindr.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Could’ve found a call boy and got some blow and went to town.” He crossed his arms behind his head, kicking his legs up in Clint’s lap as he leaned back. “Instead I’m just making out with your buddy Clint.” He winked at Bruce, who was trying to hide an amused look behind his hand so Pepper couldn’t see it. “What about you, Bro. Wanna get in on this?” he asked, gesturing between himself and Clint. “He’s an amazing kisser,” he said earnestly, pointing at Clint. “Like, seriously, top ten since I’ve been sober.”

Bruce finally broke his façade and chuckled. “Clint, since when are you even into guys?” he asked and Clint shrugged.

“I’m not usually, but I mean, I’m not picky.”

TJ raised an eyebrow at him. “Dude, you’re not gay?” he asked, and Clint shook his head.

“Nah, closer to straight than gay on the spectrum, actually.” He shrugged. “But sometimes you just gotta suck a dick, you know?” he said matter-of-factly.

Bruce made a face. “No, Clint. I don’t think anybody knows what you mean.”

“No, hey, that’s true!” TJ said, grinning at Clint. “Man, I’m like totally gay but every once in a while I do it with a girl just to make sure, so I totally get it.”

Clint smiled. “See? He gets it!” he said, then slapped at TJ’s leg on his lap. “Wanna go make out some more?” he suggested and TJ smirked.

“Only if you’ll let me grab your ass again,” he said and then he and Clint sprang to their feet. Clint grabbed his hand and tugged him along, giving TJ the opportunity to salute Pepper mockingly on his way past towards the elevator.

~

Steve tilted his head back over the chair and smiled when Bucky shuffled into the kitchen. “Good Morning, Buck.”

Bucky smiled sleepily and leaned over Steve to kiss him sweetly. “Morning, Babydoll.” He slid into Steve’s lap, curling an arm around his shoulders. “Mmmm, where’s TJ?” he asked, looking around. “I didn’t see him all last night so I figured he went to bed early. It’s past time for him to be up, then.”

Bruce snorted across the table, choking on his coffee. Steve raised an eyebrow and Natasha huffed from where she was scooping sugar into her tea. “Oh he didn’t go to sleep early,” she said, coming to sit across from Steve and Bucky. 

Bruce shook his head. “No, no he did not.”

“I don’t get it,” Bucky said with a sleepy frown, laying his head on Steve’s shoulder.

The door opened and Tony came in, making a face. “Why was Clint just walking down the hall from the guest rooms nearly naked?” he asked suspiciously.

“Cause he spent all night fucking TJ Hammond,” Natasha said with a wink and Tony nearly fell over on his way to the coffee machine.

Bucky turned his head so fast is neck cracked. “What?!”

Bruce nodded, smirking. “Me and Pepper walked in on them making out because TJ was bored and apparently ‘let’s make out some more’ ended in them screwing all night long.”

Natasha nodded. “Loudly,” she added with a grin.

Steve made a face. “Well that’s awkward.”

“Shit yeah,” Bucky said with a grimace. “When’d he wanna screw a dude that looks like me?”

Steve gave him a pointed look. “I screw a dude who looks like you all the time,” he said and Bucky smirked.

“Oh I’m well aware, Sweetheart,” he said, tugging him into a kiss. Bucky was still kissing Steve lazily when a voice sounded from behind them.

“Gooood morning, friends!” Bucky pulled away and raised an eyebrow as TJ skated past, wearing what was clearly not his shirt. He winked at Bruce. “Bet you know why, doncha, huh?”

“Oh I think everybody on that floor knows,” he said wryly. 

Natasha gave him a look. “Tell me, do you always screw random older men often?” she asked and TJ gave her a grin. 

“Not in a long time, Red.” He sat down at the table with a flop, drinking straight from the coffee pot. “You don’t know how long it’s been since I got laid, Sugar. Sobriety means all my usual methods of hooking up with hot guys are bad for me.”

Bruce made a face. “You could, you know, get a boyfriend?”

TJ flinched and shook his head. “Tried that once. Didn’t go well.”

Steve gave Natasha a pointed look. “And who are you to talk about screwing older dudes.” 

Bruce flushed but Natasha just shrugged. “Never said I’m not a hypocrite.”

Clint came in before anybody else could respond and simply perked up when he saw TJ. “Oh hey so that’s where my shirt went,” he said.

“Yeah, you tore mine,” TJ said, offering him the coffee pot. Clint took it and drank deeply, sighing as he sat heavily in the chair next to TJ and handed it back.

Bruce made a face. “You’re both drinking from the coffee pot,” he observed.

Clint made a face. “So? I mean, I always drink from the coffee pot when I’m not sharing, and it’s not like I’m suddenly gonna get germs from drinking after TJ I didn’t already get from him.”

TJ nodded. “Once you have your tongue in someone’s mouth, drinking after one another isn’t even a thing.”

“Yep,” Clint agreed simply. 

TJ grinned at Clint. “Wanna steal some food and this coffee pot and go back to my room?” he suggested and Clint gave him a look.

“I’m eleven years older than you, I really don’t think it’s physically possible to fuck you again this morning, TJ,” he said and TJ shrugged.

“So? I can still look at you naked instead of wearing clothes,” he said bluntly and Clint seemed to consider before shrugging.

“Fuck it, why not?”

~

TJ spent another two weeks in New York, and even though he only spent a few days staying with the Avengers before going back to sharing the apartment with his sister-in-law, he pretty much came by the tower at least once a day.

To Bucky’s great surprise, he didn’t spend all the time he was at the tower screwing Clint, he actually hung out with him and Steve some, and sometimes he and Clint would spend all night just hanging out watching TV together, no sex involved.

The morning he and Anne left to go back to DC, Clint came back from seeing him off with a strange expression on his face. Steve snickered. “Trust me, I know pretty well how much it sucks to no longer be screwing someone who looks like this,” he said, gesturing to Bucky’s face where they sat side by side, watching a movie with Bruce, Tony, and Natasha.

Clint sat down, still making that same face, and it took a few minutes until the next commercial break before he spoke. “Uh… I think I’m dating the president’s kid?” He looked at Natasha. “What the hell, right?”

Natasha made a face. “Very what the hell, _what the hell_?”

Bruce gave him a look, eyebrow raised. “Are you sure about that? I mean… TJ did say he doesn’t do boyfriends.”

“Well I don’t know what the hell else to call it,” Clint said, holding up his phone. “When I took them to the airport, he kissed me and said he’d talk to the Secret Service about getting me cleared, and now he’s talking about me coming to visit and meet his grandma.” He frowned. “Maybe I’m friends with benefits with the president’s son? Either way, _what_ the hell?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I cannot believe TJ Hammond picked you. Tony was a way better bet,” she said and Tony gave her a pointed look.

“I have a girlfriend,” he stressed and Natasha shrugged.

“So? You’re the most likely to cheat.” 

Bucky whistled. “So not cool.”

Steve nodded. “Definitely not cool,” he agreed, earning a grin from Bucky.

~

Steve raised an eyebrow when Bucky picked up his phone. “What’re you doing?” he asked breathlessly, hands tightening on Bucky’s hips as he rode him slowly.

Bucky moaned softly as he fiddled with his phone and then looked down at Steve, grinning as he aimed it. “Smile, Stevie,” he said, and Steve laughed in shock.

“You better not take a picture of me when I’m fucking you,” he warned, breath hitching on the last word as Bucky shifted his hips. 

“M’ not,” Bucky said, grinning as he lifted up, thighs flexing, and then lowered himself back down onto Steve sooo slowly. “I’m taking many pictures.” He grinned. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m the one fucking you, Sweetheart. You’re just layin’ there and letting me take what I want,” he pointed out and Steve gave him a smug look.

“What kinda person would complain about bein’ under Bucky Barnes?” he asked, and Bucky winked.

“Damn straight,” he said, setting a slow, torturous pace. Steve’s hands curled around his hips, guiding him along but never rushing him. Bucky kept taking photos, each one more mouthwatering than the last. To only show Steve’s chest and face, the way his neck and chest were flushed and his red, kiss-bitten lips hanging open in the most pleasure-filled expression ever, the photos Bucky was taking were downright pornographic. It was a shame only he got to see a blissed out Steve Rogers.

Bucky hesitated as a thought crossed his mind, and Steve noticed, looking at him with a frown. “You okay, Buck?” he asked, and Bucky grinned suddenly.

“Hey Stevie,” he purred, leaning over Steve to kiss him. “You ever heard of ‘after sex selfies’?” he asked, and Steve raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah?”

Bucky smirked, sliding his hand through Steve’s hair, nails raking at his scalp just enough to make him shiver and gasp. “How pissed do you think people would be if we posted one?” he asked and Steve laughed in shock.

“Oh God, they’d get on our asses about being symbols of repressed old people and how sex is for young people and all that good shit,” he said, and Bucky gave him an evil grin. Steve raised an eyebrow. “Wanna up the game?” he asked, and Bucky’s eyes darkened.

“Oh Baby, tell me you will let me photograph you posing naked,” he asked and Steve shook his head.

“Nothing that risqué, but I’ve got an idea.” He grabbed Bucky’s hips and, in one move, rolled them over, making Bucky yelp and then laugh at himself as Steve settled between his thighs, propped over him. Steve rested his elbows on the pillow on either side of Bucky, kissing him sweetly. “Do you trust me?” he asked, holding Bucky’s gaze as he slid back into him.

Bucky shivered with pleasure, licking his lips. “With every bit of me, Baby Doll.”

Steve took the phone from Bucky’s hand and rested his free hand on the bed beside Bucky, propping himself up to start fucking Bucky again. As their bodies moved together in faster, more pleasurable ways, Bucky tugged Steve down, kissing him desperately. Steve fumbled with the phone for a moment, not even sure they were in the shot right, as he broke Bucky’s kiss and kissed down his throat, making Bucky arch his head back in pleasure. Steve gasped, resting his forehead against Bucky’s chin, nose and lips inches from the front of Bucky’s throat as he fucked him harder, both of them panting and moaning while he barely managed to snap a few photos, hoping they weren’t of more than just their faces.

It was only after he tossed the phone further down the bed that he kissed Bucky – hard – and gripped his hair as he fucked him. Bucky held onto him, legs around Steve tightly as he tried to urge him into fucking him even harder. 

After they had both finished and collapsed onto the bed, it took them a while to catch their breath. Bucky found the phone and slid closer to Steve, laying his head on Steve’s shoulder as he held the phone up and flipped through the photos. He whistled when he saw one that showed Steve’s teeth scraping along his Adam’s apple and his head thrown back, eyes shut and mouth hanging open in pleasure. “Jesus look at us,” he said and Steve grinned when Bucky angled the phone his way.

“You look like I’m making you feel better than you have in a year,” he said and Bucky smirked.

“You look like a sex demon,” he accused. “Shit, we look good together. See? There’s a reason I love you. We’re photogenic as a couple,” he teased.

Steve turned and kissed his temple. “You know… I bet if you posted that on the internet, TJ would get in trouble again,” he purred and Bucky looked up at him, grinning evilly.

“I love your devious mind,” Bucky said, then snuggled into Steve’s side, doing exactly what he suggested. As soon as the photo read ‘posted’, Steve giggled, rolling over to pull Bucky into a full body embrace. 

“We’re horrible,” he said and Bucky sighed happily, hand resting on Steve’s ass.

“We’re not horrible. We just have an excellent sense of humor that is based primarily on fuckin’ with people.”

~

Bucky and Steve were eating breakfast with Bruce when the word finally seemed to get around to the Avengers (and the Avengers’ PR team…. AKA Pepper) that Bucky’s Instagram photo had blown up overnight. Pepper walked up to them, slammed a tablet down in front of them, and made them watch as the news people speculated whether or not the man in the photo was TJ Hammond having sex with an unidentified blond man – since all that was visible of Steve was his hair and his mouth on Bucky’s throat – or if it was Bucky Barnes and Captain America making out.

Bucky huffed. “Why do they think it’s sex if it’s TJ but making out if it’s me? Am I not a sexual being?” he asked the room in general. 

Before Bruce could come up with whatever dry, witty response was clearly brewing behind those glasses, Clint came in giggling at his phone. “Hey Bucky, TJ says he loves that someone taught you how to use Instagram.”

Bucky winked. “Tell him I’m not sorry for fuckin’ with his life.”

Clint looked up, grinning. “Oh no, man, he loves it. Really. He’s not being sarcastic. His brother is having a stroke over how much like him it looks and he’s suggested next time I visit we make a sex tape to really fuck with Douglas.” He held up the phone. “Seriously, look how red TJ’s brother is,” he said, and Bucky laughed hard when he saw his face. 

Pepper glared. “If Douglas Hammond has a heart attack in his early thirties because of you three, I’ll kill you. Slowly. Not even Tony could stop me.”

Bucky just winked. “What if Clint cuts you in on the sex tape with TJ? Can’t say that’s not a threesome you’d wanna get in on, huh?”

Pepper rubbed at her forehead. “I hate you all so much.” She turned heel and walked out, leaving them to continue their conversation. She utterly gave up.

~

Bucky and Steve were banned from answering questions about their ‘sex selfie’, but in Bucky’s opinion, it only got worse when people were allowed to speculate rather than just give them a solid answer. TJ didn’t respond to the people who thought it was him, either, so people’s speculations kept getting wilder and wilder.

… until TJ got caught in the background of an interview with a celebrity at one of his clubs telling someone, “I mean, I’m dating an Avenger, I’d say my life is pretty great right now.”

And then the world narrowed back to the idea that TJ Hammond and Steve Rogers were dating. 

And then TJ turned it all back around before Steve and Bucky had to do another interview and set up an interview to reassure people he was not, in fact, dating Steve Rogers. When they asked him who he was dating, he refused to answer until he’d talked to his boyfriend, and some people still thought it was Steve, but after that, it was open season on scrutiny about the other Avengers.

The most common belief was that it was Thor, oddly enough. Thor found this horribly amusing, naturally. He was so protective of Jane he never talked about her when they had press conferences – the only time he did any press at all – so people didn’t know about his love life. And with Tony and Pepper a popular power couple, TJ being gay so not into Natasha, and Bruce and Clint being… well Bruce and Clint, most people naturally assumed it was Thor. In fact, so few people guessed the truth that more people were convinced TJ was either having an affair with Tony or had ‘gone bi’ for Natasha than there were who thought it was Clint.

Clint stared in half-amusement-half-disgust at the poll being displayed on the TV during a gossip show. “I’m not sure whether to be offended they all think I’m too old and boring for TJ or be glad nobody guessed it.” He sighed. “Or, to be fair, agree with them and wonder why the hell TJ likes me,” he added.

Bucky smirked from his spot laying on Steve’s lap. “Oh man, I can tell you what TJ likes about you. Here’s a hint: it’s perky and round.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at Bucky. “Are you talking about his ass or his pecs?” he asked and Bucky winked at Steve.

“I’m a tit man, but TJ’s an ass man all the way.” He reached up and groped Steve’s pec. “You’ve got the hottest boobs I’ve ever seen, women included,” he teased.

Clint gave him a very serious look and nodded. “You do have very big boobs, Steve.”

Bucky grinned, squeezing Steve’s left pec as he continued speaking. “Now Stevie, here, he’s an ass man. He loves my ass. I don’t have an ass like yours, but I’ve got a nice, big, perky butt. Yours, however, puts the ‘ass’ in ‘masterpiece’.”

Clint barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “Aw man, c’mon. I do have a sweet ass, I will agree, but you really think TJ couldn’t get hotter way easier?” he asked.

Steve shrugged. “Maybe he just actually likes you?” he said. “You’re a fun guy. You’re fun to hang out with. Maybe TJ thinks you’re cool?”

Bucky wiggled a hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna ask him.” He read aloud as he typed. “‘Hey Man, why do you even like Clint? He’s old and ugly.’ Annnnd send.”  
Steve gaped. “Bucky!” he cried, and Bucky just winked.

“Trust me, Steve, this’ll be good,” he said, and Clint just rolled his eyes. However, instead of a text in return, Bucky’s phone rang. He raised an eyebrow. “Well shit.” He shushed them both. “Nobody say anything.” He answered the phone on speaker. “Hey, TJ, what’s up?”

“Dude, Bucky, what the hell?!” TJ asked, sounding shocked. “Why the hell did you text me that? First off, isn’t Clint your friend? You don’t call friends old and ugly, Man, what the fuck?”

Bucky laughed. “TJ, relax-“

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t randomly text you shit about your boyfriend being ugly and old! Are you drunk or something? I mean, have you seen you?” he asked, and Bucky’s jaw dropped.

“What the hell, TJ, I look just like you!”

“Yeah, and we’re not exactly the most gorgeous faces out there, are we? I mean a cleft chin, Jesus, God really hated us on that one. Either way, I’m really concerned. You aren’t like that. Are you drinking or something? I mean, drink all you want, but really, think before drunk texting. You know damn well you think Clint’s got a sweet ass, you told me yourself!” TJ said and Steve snickered into his fist, trying to stay quiet. 

Bucky chuckled. “I’m totally just fucking with you, TJ. I didn’t think you’d get so aggressive,” he said, then mouthed, ‘I totally knew he would’ at Clint. “And yeah, Clint knows I think he’s got a sweet ass.”

“Yeah, well, don’t do that shit,” TJ said in a grumpy tone. “Just because the sun shines out of your boyfriend’s ass doesn’t mean you can be mean about mine.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Since when is Clint your ‘boyfriend’. I thought you guys were just sorta messing around. Dating but nothing official, that sorta thing.”

“What, just because I’m a slut doesn’t mean I can’t wanna stick with one guy? I like Clint. He’s fun even when he’s not naked. I’ve only really did the boyfriend thing once and it burned me, but I mean, Clint’s a good guy. I don’t have to worry about him driving me to suicide like the last one-“

Bucky sat up fast, fumbling with the phone. “Shit, fuck, TJ-“

“Almost twice, although the second time really was an accident-“

“TJ, TJ, TJ, Shush!” Bucky shouted, trying to take the phone off speaker. He managed to do so then lifted it to his ear. “Hey, uh, something came up real fast. I’ve gotta go. But I’m sorry for talking shit and shit, okay? Bye!” he said, hanging up fast.

Steve glared at Bucky. “That was a dick move, Bucky-“

“How was I supposed to know he’d start talking about personal shit only me and him talk about?!” Bucky said defensively. He looked at Clint, who looked sorta upset. “Man, if he’s never told that-“

“He hadn’t,” Clint said, jaw clenched. “Fuck.” He ran a hand over his face. “I’m not sure if I should be pissed you pulled that and made him say something he didn’t want me to know yet, or more upset that the reason he doesn’t do boyfriends is because somebody hurt him bad like that.” Clint whined, dropping his head back against the couch. “I should confess, shouldn’t I?” he asked, and Steve nodded with an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, but don’t do it over the phone. TJ’s coming to visit next week. Tell him then. Also blame Bucky a lot-“

“Hey!” Bucky countered and Steve glared.

“You were a jerk, you deserve it,” he said simply. He smiled at Clint encouragingly. “Seriously. Just tell him.”

~

When TJ did come visit, Clint was in the lab with Tony, testing weapons while Bruce and Steve tested new armor at the other end. The doors opened with JARVIS’s permission and he turned only to perk up when he saw TJ coming in. Steve waved. “Hey TJ!” he shouted.

TJ waved. “Hey, Steve!” He headed for Clint though, leaning across the counter to greet him with a kiss. “Hey, you,” he said, and Clint smiled, happy to see him.

“Hey, Baby.”

TJ perked up. “‘Baby’, huh?” He grinned before Clint could even get scared he’d gone too far. “I like it.” He leaned around to see Tony. “Tony, can I steal Clint from you?” he asked, reaching out to snag Clint’s sleeve. “I’ve been here for an hour waiting on y’all to finish. I’m sick of waiting to see my boyfriend.”

With TJ’s word choice, Clint was reminded that he had a big confession to make and his heart, which had been buoyed by TJ’s arrival, sank. He put down the bow he’d been holding. “Yeah, I’m out, Tony,” he said, giving him a wink. “Call me back in a few hours,” he said, trying to keep up appearances like he was too eager to go get laid. In reality, he wanted to talk to TJ. He felt guilty about what he heard and TJ deserved to know he heard it.

TJ smirked. “Score for me,” he said, taking Clint’s hand as soon as Clint came around the table, tugging him along to leave the lab. When they got to the elevator, TJ hit the button for Clint’s floor and immediately spun around and wrapped his arms around Clint’s shoulders, tilting his lips down to kiss him much more firmly than he had in the lab. Clint couldn’t help a heavy sigh, curling his arms around TJ’s waist as he sank into the familiar kiss. When TJ pulled away, he grinned, looking down into Clint’s eyes. “I’ve gotta come visit more,” TJ said, voice hoarse even as his eyes shined brightly. “You’re seriously the best kisser ever.” When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, TJ smirked. “Good at something else, too,” he said, pulling away, hands sliding down Clint’s arms to grab his hands and pull him along. “C’mon,” he said, leading the way towards Clint’s room.

When they got in the door, TJ tugged him towards the bedroom, and Clint was so tempted to go with it, but his conscience wouldn’t let him. He shook his head, digging his heels in a bit. “TJ, TJ, wait,” he said, sighing.

TJ turned back and frowned. “Why?” he asked.

Clint bit his lip, curling his fingers through TJ’s. “TJ… we should talk.”

TJ’s face fell and suspicion filled his eyes. “Talk about what, Clint?” he asked cautiously.

Clint gestured to the couch, and TJ pulled his hands away, curling his arms around his middle as he walked over and climbed on the couch, crossing his legs under him. Clint walked around and sat down beside him, not leaving any space for TJ to be wary of, but not curling an arm around him like he wanted to. He put his hands in his lap, shoulders slumped some, picking at his calluses as he spoke. “I, um. I’m really sorry,” Clint started with, giving TJ a guilty look. “I really didn’t mean to, I swear, but I-“

“Wait, did you- is this about fucking somebody else?” TJ asked, frowning. “What the hell? I thought we were-“

“No!” Clint said quickly. “I mean, we’re just seeing each other, right?” he reaffirmed and TJ nodded. “No, TJ, I haven’t been fucking somebody else,” he said, and TJ looked a little relieved. “That thing with Bucky the other day. Texting you about me being ugly and shit?” TJ’s eyes widened. “He did it on purpose so you’d call him and he could put it on speaker. He was being a jerk, like usual, but I heard… well. All of it,” he confessed. He cringed. “I’m so sorry. Apparently Bucky didn’t think you’d bring up some secrets you haven’t told me yet. He just did it cause I said something about not really knowing why you like me anyways. I wasn’t serious, I was just mostly joking, but he decided to text you and make you go on a rant on speaker about how hot my ass is, I guess.”

TJ looked hurt as he turned away. “So… you heard?”

Clint nodded, flinching at the betrayed look in TJ’s eyes. “He tried to stop you talking, but you had already mentioned that- that your suicide attempt…It-“

“Was over a guy,” TJ sighed, groaning as he dropped his head in his hands. “Fuuuuuuck.” He lifted his head, leaning an elbow on the back of the couch to rest his face against his hand. “God, Bucky’s a dick,” he said and Clint chuckled, nodding.

“Yeah, yeah he is.” He gave TJ a sad smile. “TJ, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I had no right to hear something you didn’t want me to know yet and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

TJ deflated some, pouting at Clint. “It’s not your fault,” he said softly. 

“I still feel shitty about it,” Clint offered and TJ shuffled forward a few inches, still sitting with his legs crossed under him, and laid his head on Clint’s shoulder. Clint reached out and caught TJ’s hand, pulling it into his lap as he leaned his head against TJ’s. “You never owe me anything, TJ.”

TJ nodded, cheek brushing against the fabric of his shirt. “Yeah…but now that you know I want to explain.” Clint started to argue and TJ shook his head, curling his other hand around Clint’s elbow so that he was holding onto his arm with both hands “I want to.”

Clint took a breath and nodded. “Alright, whatever you want.” He turned and pressed a kiss to TJ’s head, making him smile faintly.

TJ grunted some. “It’s a pretty short story, really. The only real boyfriend I ever had and I was being stupid because I thought he loved me.”

“I doubt you were stupid,” Clint argued and TJ shook his head.

“No, no I was.” He sighed heavily. “I was having an affair with a married politician,” he confessed and Clint’s eyes widened.

“Shiiiit, that’s heavy,” he said and TJ lifted his head and looked at him with a laugh. 

TJ’s smile was sad but he was smiling at least. “He was a republican-“

“Ew,” Clint said and TJ gave him a shushing look.

“I met him at a grocery store and I knew he was married, but he was checking me out and I didn’t have any moral code at all. I still don’t really,” he admitted. “So I was fine fucking a married man.” He sighed, grimacing. “But it wasn’t just once.” He groaned. “God, I was so in love with that asshole. I got _clean_ for him. I stopped doing drugs cold turkey because I was happy enough that I found the strength to stop. It was like every time I wanted to do drugs, I reminded myself I didn’t need them because I had Sean and he loved me.”

Clint frowned. “If he cared about you enough to stick around until you got clean, and if you loved him, why did he hurt you?” he asked.

TJ flinched, looking away. “I don’t doubt he did care about me. But he didn’t love me that’s for damn sure.” He shook his head, blinking back tears. “He told me once, not long before we broke up, that he’d never known love at first sight ‘til he saw me. That’s the sorta shit he was feeding me. I felt so special, you know? I mean I knew he was married, but he was in the closet, plenty of closeted guys are married to women. He told me he didn’t love her, but he loved me and then some bastard found out about us and was gonna out him for political gain.”

Clint glared. “Hey, that’s not cool.”

“No, it’s not,” TJ agreed. He rolled his lips together, eyes swimming with tears that Clint _hated_ seeing. “I told him- I told him it was an opportunity. He could finally leave his wife, we could be together for real. It was bad, but he could be free.”

Clint smiled sadly, tightening his hold on TJ’s hand. “Didn’t like the suggestion?”

TJ closed his eyes, breath hitching as a tear slipped from his long, beautiful eyelashes. “His exact words were, ‘I was lonely, and, it felt good, especially if I kept my eyes closed and it was fine while it was happening, but I always left here feeling disgusted with myself’ and then he called me a ‘pathetic American punchline’ and he left me,” TJ squeaked out, voice breaking as his lip trembled. He opened his big, blue eyes and Clint wanted to find whoever this ‘Sean’ guy was and kick his ass. 

“It was almost Christmas and the only guy I’d ever loved said I was basically just a warm body to him while he was in DC working instead of back home with his perfect little wife and perfect, postcard family.” TJ shook his head. “Ever since I was a teenager, ever since my dad was the president, not my mom, all I’ve ever been to anybody is a slutty little faggot whore with a drug problem, and for the first time somebody made me feel like I was more than that, you know?” He smiled a heartbreaking smile. “And then he just proved them right. All I ever was to him was a whore to enjoy. And then later, I was drinking and I saw him on TV doing an interview about the political concession he made to keep them from outing him and he talked about his wife and kids and I just-“ TJ shook his head. “I couldn’t see any reason to keep living, you know? I was a burden to my family, I was the worthless son, the shitty brother, the druggy, the fag, the slut, all I did was make trouble for them, and now the one person I’d ever loved just threw me out like a used up wrapper, so why not kill myself?” he whispered. “Everybody knows I tried to kill myself now. Everybody knows I got in the car, closed the garage doors, and started it up. But not many people know why I did it.”

Clint let out a ragged breath and wrapped his arms around TJ, pulling him into a crushing hug. “Fuck. _Fuck_ ,” he growled, sinking his hand into TJ’s hair. “I swear to God, you better not ever tell me his last name and it’s lucky I don’t know shit about politics, because I’m pretty sure I’d fly my ass to his front door and beat him to death if I knew who he was.”

TJ laughed wetly, voice muffled by Clint’s shirt. “It was my fault, not his. I was fucked up and I put all my faith in a man who was cheating on his wife with me.” He pulled back some. “The last time I did drugs before I got clean this time, it’s cause I’d ran into him and invited him to my club opening and I’d fought with my family before I got there and he didn’t come and I just- Jesus, I spiraled. Bad. I took my sober companion with me,” he admitted with a grimace. “I got the fucking sponsor who went with me everywhere to keep me clean to do drugs with me, that’s how far I derailed. I didn’t even mean to overdose, I just wanted to get so goddamn high I didn’t feel anything anymore.”

Clint cupped his cheek. “TJ, I’m gonna be super honest with you.” TJ looked at him and Clint smiled sheepishly. “The fact you trusted me with all of this did nothing at all to stop me liking you way more than I should”

TJ laughed wetly, smiling brightly. “That’s not really a bad thing. You’re probably the best guy for me to try dating with a second time around. You’re pretty honest about everything, even when it’s a little too honest.”

Clint snickered. “I’m about to get crazy real with you,” he said, and TJ grinned. Clint stroked his cheek. “I will never lie to you about what I feel. I won’t say that I love you cause I don’t right now. I haven’t known you long enough to love you or not. But you’re awesome and I probably could see myself falling for you when we’ve done more than hang out and fuck half a dozen times. But I won’t ever lie and say I love you just cause.”

TJ grinned, leaning in to kiss Clint sweetly. “Good, cause I don’t love you either, but I like you a lot, and I don’t want you to lie to me, cause then I won’t ever get to know if I could love you or not.” He rubbed at Clint’s shoulder. “So. Since I don’t exactly feel all that sexy after crying all over you, wanna go help me get payback on Bucky?” he suggested.

Clint brightened. “Oh hell yeah, let’s go, Baby!” he said, and TJ laughed delightedly as he hopped off the couch and dragged Clint up with him.

~

In the end, TJ decided to put glitter in Bucky’s shampoo, and Clint helped him break in since he was the one with spy skills. They snuck into Bucky and Steve’s bathroom, giggling the whole time, and squeezed glitter gel into his shampoo, shook it up, and then left before anybody ever know they were there. 

It was the next morning when they came to breakfast that they realized they’d fucked up when they saw Steve sitting at the counter, glaring at Tony as he fell out of his chair laughing, with red, white, and blue glitter in his hair. Clint’s jaw dropped and TJ gasped, hands covering to his mouth. Steve glared at them. “Which one of you did it?”

TJ lowered his hands, giving Steve his most apologetic smile. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I thought that was Bucky’s,” he said, laughing as he walked over to look at it up close. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

Steve grunted. “I guess Bucky deserved it,” he allowed. “You just missed your target.”

TJ giggled into his hand. “Man, don’t worry. One wash with regular shampoo and it’ll come right out, I learned the hard way,” he promised. He turned to Clint, who was biting back snickers. “Guess we’ll just have to get Bucky back some other way,” he suggested.

Clint smirked suddenly. “Oh man, I’ve got the best idea,” he said, and TJ raised an eyebrow. Clint just shook his head. “Trust me.”

~

TJ frowned, trying to match Bucky’s scowl, then laughed, unable to help it. “Clint, this is a horrible idea,” he said, sitting up on his knees to look into the bathroom. When Clint came out, he walked out and struck a pose, making TJ’s mouth water.

Clint grinned. “You’ve never seen me in uniform up close, huh?” he asked, walking over to the foot of the bed so TJ could shuffle to him and steal a kiss. 

TJ ran his hands over the zips on his vest and then over his bare arms, sighing delightedly. “You’re so hot. Seriously. Hottest guy ever.” He pulled back, settling back on his heels as he grinned up at Clint. “This is still a horrible idea.”

Clint just winked, pulling _Bucky’s_ phone out. “If you wanna back out, say it, then,” he said, and TJ’s eyes darkened.

“Oh trust me, I wanna do it. It’s just a terrible idea,” he repeated. He had to be careful to keep his left arm hidden by his and Clint’s bodies as he slid off the big shirt he’d been wearing with nothing under it and shuffled to kneel in front of Clint, who tipped his chin up to kiss him slowly. He let Clint pull him in and kiss his neck while he looked towards the closet mirror and aimed the camera, snapping a shot of himself smirking sideways at the mirror while Clint kissed the other side of his neck while Clint was fully dressed in his uniform and TJ was naked with only Clint’s hand blocking his cock from the photo. 

“Got it?” Clint asked, and TJ nodded, fumbling with the phone to send the photo to all his contacts – Bucky’s contacts, since it was Bucky’s phone – and then tossed the phone behind him, smirking up at Clint as he fell back on the bed, dragging Clint down on top of him by his vest.

“Yep!” he said, slowly unzipping Clint’s vest with a happy hum as his chest was exposed. “Now it’s time to celebrate officially getting Bucky in trouble,” he said, and Clint wasted no time shrugging off his vest and dragging TJ all the way up the bed in one rather athletic move.

~

Steve snickered into his cereal as Bucky paced up and down the hall. “No, Sam, I am not cheating on Steve! It was TJ! Of course it was TJ! You know he’s dating Clint! Oh, you didn’t? What the hell, how did you miss it?”

Steve saluted TJ, who just winked and blew him a kiss from across the room.

“Hello? NO! Mrs. Collins, DO NOT OPEN THE ATTACHMENT, DON’T DO IT!”

~

TJ was watching Bucky and Steve spar with Clint, who kept making comments about, “Are you fighting or is this foreplay, c’mon, ew!” whenever one would pin the other down, when his phone chimed, he picked it up, only to yelp and nearly fall off the balance beam he and Clint were sitting on.

“What’s up?” Steve called, frowning at his panicked look.

TJ stared at his phone. “Apparently my _dad_ knows Tony Stark so he’s _here now coming upstairs with Tony to see me_!” he hissed, as if speaking louder would make his dad hear him already.

Steve’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “Your dad as in President Hammond?” he asked and Bucky shot Steve a sideways look.

“No, Steve, he means his other dad,” he said, shaking his head as he turned to TJ and mouthed, “So blond.”

Steve huffed, though he blushed a bit. “I’m just shocked, stop that,” he said, shoving Bucky some. He turned back to TJ. “Why does your dad know Tony and why is he here in New York?”

TJ shrugged, holding his hands up. “Hell if I know! Old man sluts of a feather flock together?” he suggested and Clint nearly choked on his own spit as he started laughing. “I didn’t know he knew Tony as more than, you know, one public figure to another,” he said, making a gesture.

Bucky hummed, then smirked. “Wanna see if we can switch places on him?” he asked, and TJ flapped a hand in dismissal.

“Nah, he’d know in a second which one is me,” he said, and Bucky raised an eyebrow. TJ made an uncomfortable face and shrugged. “The only reason he’s ever been extra hard on me is cause I’m his favorite. It’s pretty obvious, which sorta makes me mad, cause my brother deserves it way better, but Douglas is more ‘Mom’s kid’ and I’m more Dad’s.”

Clint gave him a worried look. “Hey… uh… is he gonna like, try to have me taken out by his bodyguard for dating you when I’m way too old for you?” he asked suddenly.

TJ smirked. “I dunno, maybe? He’s protective after what happened last time I had a boyfriend,” he teased and Clint gave a panicked look.

“Don’t joke about these things, I may be an Avenger, but your dad _was a president_!” Steve started to speak but just then the gym doors opened and Clint yelped as he fell backwards off the balance beam and landed on the mat beneath it, smoothly rolling over backwards and scrambling to his feet to stand beside TJ, who was laughing so hard he nearly fell off after him.

Bucky wasn’t fully aware of that much about TJ’s father, other than he had been the president and had various sex scandals, so he was surprised when Tony and the other man came closer and he immediately pointed at Bucky with both hands, grinning. “Damn, son, you really do look like my boy!” he said in a loud voice, southern accent thicker than Bucky would’ve expected. He winked at him as he walked over to TJ, looking up at his son before reaching up to slap him on the face a few times affectionately. “Not as pretty, though, huh, TJ?” he asked, pulling TJ down so he could kiss him on the face.

TJ made a face but endured the manhandling. “Hey, Dad,” he greeted, then glanced at Tony. “You never told me you knew my dad, thanks for springing this little visit on me,” he said in a joking tone as he slung his arm around his dad’s shoulders from his perch on the balance beam still.

“Aw hush that, I told him not to warn ya,” his dad said, turning to hold out a hand for Bucky. “Bud Hammond,” he greeted, and Bucky shook his hand. “And you are the long lost war hero everybody keeps thinkin’ is my son,” he said, and Bucky gave a polite look.

“Bucky Barnes, Sir.” He glared at TJ. “And it goes both ways, trust me.”

Steve gave his most winning smile, shaking his hand next. “Great to meet you, Sir.”

“Oh, trust me, the pleasure is all mine, Captain Rogers,” he said with a sly grin. “It’s good to know my son is still able to corrupt national icons,” he joked and TJ scoffed.

“Hey, those two are worse than me,” he accused, grinning. “They’re the one who posted sex-pictures on the internet, for all the scandals I had, I didn’t post mid-sex selfies on the internet.”

Tony snorted. “No, you just did shitloads of blow and got into public altercations,” Tony reminded him and TJ sighed dramatically.

“Yeah, my twenties weren’t pretty,” he admittedly.

Steve shrugged. “Eh, to be totally fair, amphetamines were standard issue during World War 2, so other than me, everybody was high as hell the whole time,” he admitted and Bucky nodded seriously.

“I didn’t sleep for days, man. _Days_.”

TJ laughed. “See? More we have in common!” he said, then kicked his dad lightly. “Anyways, why are you here?”

“What?” he asked. “A father finds out he’s in the same city as his son and can’t stop by for a visit since he knows the right people?”

TJ gave him a flat look. “Mama told you about the guy I’m dating, didn’t she,” he accused, and Clint gave him a slightly panicked look for bringing it up.

Bud grinned. “Yep, sure did!” He looked past TJ at Clint, who was practically hovering behind him. “A bit old for TJ here, dontcha think, Mr. Barton?” he asked, and Clint gave an innocent smile.

“Uh, only sorta?”

TJ huffed. “Oh please, you screw women younger than me! You do not get to talk about age being a factor!”

Bud raised an eyebrow. “There’s a difference in sleeping with ‘em and being their boyfriend,” he said and TJ rolled his eyes. Bud looked Clint up and down. “With all the progress you’ve made the past couple years, I wanted to get a feel for this fella your mama told me about,” he said and TJ snickered, unable to help himself.

“Whoa, Dad, the whole ‘boyfriend’ thing makes me so not comfortable with anybody but me getting a feel of anything Clint’s got,” he joked and Clint gave him an amused grin, unable to hold in a fond smile that TJ returned.

Bucky nudged Steve. “Do I look that dumb when I look at you?” he asked, and Steve nodded seriously.

“Yep, you always have. You look like such a dork when you smile at me,” he said, giving Bucky a sweeter smile. “It’s sweet, though,” he murmured and Bucky bumped their elbows together again. They kept knocking elbows until Bucky finally turned with a grin and just tackled Steve, who yelped as they tumbled to the ground, rolling around until Bucky tried to stand up and Steve grabbed his thigh, tossing him onto his back as he moved to get on top of them, the two of them grappling around and laughing the whole time.

In the end, it was only when Tony yelled, “Old People Sex needs to wait until a former American President isn’t in the room, you two!” that they stopped and looked over, Bucky straddling Steve while Steve tried to throw him off.

Bucky just leered. “Oh trust me, if we were having sex, you’d know about it, Stark,” he said, patting Steve’s chest where he lay beneath him. “Stevie’s a screamer,” he said and Steve yelped indignantly, grabbing Bucky’s hips in an attempt to toss him over, only to fail when Bucky used the strength in his thighs to keep Steve from moving them. He looked down at him with a grin. “You can pitch and shove at me all you want, Baby Doll, but you know how strong my legs are,” he mocked.

Steve smirked suddenly and Bucky stilled. “Know what else I know?” he purred, and before Bucky could even gasp in realization, Steve dove at his ribs, tickling him. Bucky yelped and doubled over, allowing Steve to roll them, only to use his position above Bucky to tickle him until he was arching off the floor, laughing.

“You win! You win!” Bucky cried, groaning when Steve relented, bracing himself above him on his hands and knees. Bucky pouted, deflating under him. “No fair, you cheater.”

Steve just winked and leaned down to peck his lips before he stood up in one fluid move. He walked over to Tony, then winked at TJ, who eyed him dubiously. “Tickling is playing dirty,” he accused in a playfully grave tone.

Clint gave him a sideling grin. “Oh? Are you saying you’re ticklish like Bucky is, too?” he asked, wiggling his fingers as if he was going to touch TJ’s side, and TJ gave him a glare to end all glares, pointing a finger at him.

“If you even think about it-“

“I’m gonna find out,” Clint teased and TJ narrowed his eyes.

“Clinton Francis Barton, I swear to God-“

Clint leaned on the balance beam, resting his chin in his hands with a boyishly teasing smile. “Did you know you develop the most adorable southern accent around your dad?” he asked, and Bud laughed on TJ’s other side.

TJ turned to glare at his dad for laughing, but Bud just clapped him on the shoulder, winking as he nodded at Clint. “I think I like this one, TJ.” He wagged a finger at Clint. “Still not too happy about you bein’ halfway between his age and my age,” he reminded him. 

Clint grimaced, looking alarmed. “I’m not quite that old, C’mon, I’m only nine years older than TJ!” he said, and Bud gave him a surprised look.

“Damn, Son, you haven’t aged very well at all,” he said, stating the obvious in a way that made Clint roll his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks, I’ve noticed.”

TJ huffed, slinging his arm around Clint’s shoulders defensively. “Hey, he’s got a stressful life. You might have some idea what it’s like having the whole world relying on you to look after it,” he stressed, turning to trail his fingers through Clint’s hair with a grin. “Besides, I like your wrinkles,” he said, tracing his fingertip from Clint’s hair down over the lines at the sides of his eyes. “When you smile it makes you look extra happy.”

Steve snorted, covering it with a horribly fake cough. Bucky smirked at TJ, who shot him a warning look. Tony, however, scoffed. “Oh come on, you’re not fifteen, there’s no need to be so sappy,” he told TJ, who rolled his eyes.

“This is why Pepper works so much. You won’t be nice to her,” TJ said, grinning down at Clint “I’m not being sappy, right, Sugar?” he asked and Clint shook his head with an answering grin.

“Not one bit, Baby,” he purred, pecking his lips sweetly.

~

“Clint, Son, I want a little word with you.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at Clint, who was sprawled across the couch on the opposite side, their legs crisscrossing in the middle. Clint craned his neck to see TJ’s dad coming from the hallway. He saw Bucky and nodded. “Less Pretty version of my boy,” he greeted and Bucky laughed, unable to help himself.

“I like you, Sir, that just needs to be put out there.”

Clint sat up straighter. “Sir?” he asked, and President Hammond sat down in the chair across from them. 

He looked Clint over and squared his shoulders. “You’re clearly important to TJ. He’s never brought a boy home to his mama, that’s for sure,” he said, giving Clint a knowing look.

Clint scratched at his hair. “Well, he hasn’t taken me home yet?” he tried and Bucky rolled his eyes. “That was the plan for next week.”

President Hammond chuckled. “The point is, my son has never been one to do relationships.” He gestured absently with his hand. “The only time I’m aware of that he was seeing the same man for any length of time, and I won’t get into it, since it’s TJ’s business, but it was a unholy mess.”

Clint’s jaw clenched and Bucky knew he had some anger lingering. “I know about that. TJ had already talked to Bucky about his past and when I overheard him mentioning something about it to Bucky, he told me all about what that motherfucker in congress said to him before he tried to kill himself.” Clint snorted darkly, clenching a fist on his thigh. “I told him not to tell me his full name or what state he’s from to keep me from doing something about it.”

President Hammond looked impressed. “I did do something about it. The former vice president was the one who threatened to out TJ’s boyfriend, you know?” Clint’s eyes widened in surprise. He smirked. “I politely informed the late president Garcetti and then punched that slimy bastard right in his smug little face right there in the oval office.” Clint laughed in surprise and President Hammond shifted in his seat. “You see, what I’m trying to say, Son, is that I never got my hands on the last man to break my child’s heart,” he said simply, raising an eyebrow at Clint. “TJ’s been living clean and sober and out of trouble for the past two years, longer than he has since he was about sixteen years old.” He gave him a hard look. “And I know where to find you.”

Clint gave a nervous smile. “The best I can do is say I definitely prefer a clean and sober and happy TJ and won’t be doing anything to end that?” he tried. “I’m not gonna be a perfect boyfriend, cause I suck at dating. Like, _really badly_ ,” he stressed. “I’m pretty sure TJ gets that. I mean, he doesn’t really ask much of me, so I guess he does.”

Bucky nudged him with his toes. “Dude, I don’t think you’re supposed to tell the guy threatening to have you taken out if you break his kid’s heart that you suck at not doing that,” he said and Clint rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on, he used to be president of the United States, I’m sure he’s had every detail of my life looked up already,” he said, and President Hammond chuckled.

“Oh, I know all about the ex-wife,” he said, giving him a look. “That’s why I’m real suspicious. That and how much TJ seems to like you.”

Clint shrugged. “Like I said, I suck at relationships. It’s why I don’t really do them. I got married to my partner at SHIELD before Natasha, then we broke up cause I just like… stopped talking to her? I sorta forgot we were _married_ , not just spies who worked together and screwed sometimes. I kept treating her like a friend I sometimes had sex with and she divorced me and I really was totally cool with that,” he explained for Bucky. “I’m _bad_ bad at dating.”

Bucky scoffed. “Then how the hell have you and TJ worked out so well?”

Clint smiled faintly. “Cause he doesn’t want much. I mean, we’ve never even gone out on a date. We just sit around and watch TV in pajamas and occasionally go get a burger or something. He just wants to hang out, not go do ‘couple’ things.”

President Hammond hummed, looking at him. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you trying to get him to go places that will trigger him,” he said and Clint shook his head.

“No, it’s totally cool, I don’t even drink so we don’t have any problems like that,” he reassured. He grimaced. “Trust me, I know addicts. My parents were addicts and my mom never took care of me and my brother and my dad beat the shit out of the both of us right up until the day they were driving high and crashed the car and died,” he explained. “I want nothing more than to never see TJ messed up like that. I mean, we hid the liquor when he was staying here, just cause he’s not supposed to drink either, not just not do drugs. I don’t drink cause my dad beat me worse when he was drunk than high and it just stuck with me, so I won’t ever drink around TJ or anything.” He shrugged. “I’m not promising anything, Sir, cause I suck at dating, but I’m not gonna get TJ in trouble, that’s for damn sure, and so far, the reason we work so great is cause we are both pretty relaxed about the whole dating thing.”

President Hammond held up a hand. “But you do care about him. I have eyes, and I know how you look at my boy,” he said simply.

Clint blushed some, ducking his head. “Well, yeah, he’s a great guy. If I fuck this up, it’ll be cause I suck at life in general, not because I don’t think TJ’s awesome.”

“Well,” President Hammond said, seeming to make a decision. He shrugged. “I guess that’s acceptable enough of a reason to not have you taken out of the equation just yet.” He stood up, slapping Clint on the shoulder as he walked past. “But just remember, his mama’s the President of the United States and I used to be so I’ve still got some friends out there. If you hurt our son, not even Tony Stark can save your hide,” he warned before giving him a warm grin and patting his arm again. “Nice talk,” he said, before continuing on his way.

Steve and Bucky shared a grin as they looked at Clint’s shell-shocked expression and Bucky winked. “So, what’s it like getting the shovel talk from the forty-second president of the United States?” he asked, and Clint just made an unintelligible sound of mild panic.

Steve glanced at Bucky and said, “You know, I think he took it well.”

~

Clint kept messing with his bowtie, messing it up even worse, until Bucky finally reached out and slapped his hands, glaring. “Stop that. You’re not even my date and that’s pissing me off,” he grumbled.

“I hate these things,” Clint complained. “I hate wearing a tux more than anything. Being forced into a bowtie is the worst thing that can possibly happen to a person.”

Bucky gave him a very straight-faced look and said, “Yeah, wearing tux is far worse than being tortured repeatedly for years on end, you’re absolutely right.”

Clint’s mouth dropped open and his eyes widened and he looked ready to slap himself. “Shit, Bucky, dude, I didn’t even-“

Bucky couldn’t hold it anymore and snorted, grinning as he shook Clint by the arm. “God you’re so gullible. Relax.” He straitened Clint’s tie perfectly and then slapped his hand when he reached to feel it. “Stop being such a pussy, Barton. God, how the hell do you ever get laid if you’re this fidgety about dressing up.”

“Because not everybody is as much of a pretty boy as you always were, Barnes,” Steve said, and they both turned to see Steve coming over with TJ’s grandmother on his arm. Bucky just smirked and winked.

“You like it when I dress up, don’t even pretend you don’t, Rogers,” he said, then held out his hand to Margaret. “Not that I hold a candle to the beautiful Miss Margaret,” he said, kissing her hand when she gave it to him.

“Honey, I haven’t been a ‘miss’ in a hell of a long time,” she said, then winked, tightening her hand on Steve’s arm. “Although, I’ve stolen your fella so I definitely feel younger than I have in years with the prettiest man in the room on my arm.”

Clint grinned. “You’re where TJ gets it,” he accused and she just smirked.

“Damn straight.” She looked him over and shook her head. “And look at you! Damn, I didn’t know you cleaned up so well. You might just steal TJ’s thunder for once. You know how he is, always the prettiest boy in the room.” She looked around. “Where is TJ anyways.” She tugged at Steve’s elbow. “C’mon, Sweet Cheeks, let’s go see where my boys have run off to. Maybe we’ll run into somebody interesting along the way,” she said, and Steve just gave Bucky a shrug and a grin as he was tugged away, cutting a path through the crowd with Mrs. Barrish.

Bucky just chuckled. “Well, guess it’s just me and you,” he said to Clint, then smirked. “Wanna go stand by the door and talk about dirty things and cause trouble for TJ when people think I’m him?” he asked and Clint snorted.

“I would, I really would, but my boyfriend’s mother is literally the leader of the free world and we’re at the White House. She could have me taken out and nobody would ever know or find out about it,” he said and Bucky poked him in the side and leaned in and whispered, “Pussy!” before going to find out where people were getting the champagne he’d been seeing from.

~

When Bucky found the waiter with the champagne, he took a glass and went out onto the balcony to wait for things to get started. He knew that he wouldn’t be needed for another half hour at least, so a little fresh air before he was expected to sit and schmooze for a while seemed like a good idea.

He had barely leaned against the bannister, looking out over the garden below, before someone walked up beside him. “I thought you hated heights.” Bucky turned to see who had addressed him only to smile awkwardly in greeting when he didn’t recognize the guy.

“Sorry?” he asked, and the guy smiled.

“C’mon, TJ, it took weeks to get you to walk outside on the terrace at the hotel,” he said, explaining why Bucky didn’t know the guy. He thought he was TJ.

“I’m sorry, but-“

“I know, I know,” he said, fidgeting some. “Probably shouldn’t be seen talking to you around here, of all places. Last thing I need is for your mother to find out I was talking to you, huh?”

A series of alarm bells went off in Bucky’s head at the thought of TJ’s mom being upset if she found out a man was seen talking to TJ since, being gay, it seemed like talking to men would be his sorta thing. He didn’t recognize the guy, but the way the guy looked at Bucky, he seemed both uncomfortable but determined. Bucky figured why not play along for a bit? “Yeah, probably not,” Bucky said, trying his best to take on TJ’s characteristics. “Were you invited tonight?” he asked, and the guy nodded.

“Yeah. They picked the youngest republicans for the photo-ops I guess,” he joked and Bucky smiled, still not sure who this person was or why he knew TJ. “I just wanted to talk to you. I haven’t seen you since that time I ran into you in the lobby that time. I think you were opening a club or something? I don’t remember.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a really long time.”

The guy glanced around, failing to be surreptitious, and Bucky tensed some when he leaned in. “You know, TJ… we should catch up.” He gave him a flirtatious smile. “I mean, it’s been years. I’d love to go somewhere more private and just chat.”

Bucky held in the urge to shove the guy away and simply backed up a step. “Whoa, hey, I’ve got a boyfriend,” he said, giving him a pointed look.

The guy shrugged. “You never cared that I had a wife and kids, why should I care you have a boyfriend?”

Suddenly it all connected and Bucky’s jaw clenched. “Sean,” he said, and the guy just stared, clearly waiting for ‘TJ’ to continue, but Bucky was overcome with a swell of rage. This was the man that had used TJ and then broke his heart so badly that he’d tried to _kill himself_ , and now, years later, he had the gall to corner TJ on the balcony where nobody would see them and try and proposition him, like none of that happened.

“TJ?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I know I hurt you, but I really did love you back then.” He reached out and touched Bucky’s hand on the banister. “We could give it another-“ Bucky snapped, unable to hold it in, and twisted his wrist around, spinning Sean and shoving him against the banister, arm twisted behind his back until he gasped out in pain and fear.

“You motherfucker,” Bucky gritted out, pressed against his back. “You’re lucky I’m not actually TJ, or his boyfriend would fucking murder you if this shit fucked up all his progress like I bet it would.” 

“Wh-What?”

“Read the fucking papers,” Bucky snapped. “You can’t even tell TJ from Bucky Barnes and you were _fucking_ TJ for months! You fucking with his head and making him think you loved him and then just shitting all over his heart is the reason he fucking tried to kill himself, and if you had just said that ‘I really did love you back then’ shit to him now, after all the progress he’s made, after living _clean_ for so long, and it pushed him off the wagon, my buddy Clint – his boyfriend – would have found you and cut your balls off, you lying, cheating, disgusting _bastard_ ,” he hissed, unable to contain his rage. He shoved off of Sean, who cried out in pain, drawing away and nearly falling down as he cradled his sprained wrist against his chest. Bucky shoved him again, watching him fall on his ass. “I wish I could get away with telling your wife you fuck men behind her back and not end up making a mess of trouble for my friends,” he said firmly before turning and walking away. “Oh, and if you approach TJ tonight or ever again, I’ll personally rip your arm off so we match,” he said, flipping him off over his shoulder with his metal hand.

~

When Bucky got back to the pre-State Dinner ‘Cocktails while we wait’ party, he spotted Douglas and his father before he saw anybody else. He figured he should warn them both that he may have semi-beat up one of their guests, so he made his way over without drawing attention. When he eased up beside Douglas, President Hammond raised his glass to him. “Ah, Sergeant Barnes. Lookin’ good! Never would’ve thought you cleaned up half as nice as my boy, but you look more like him than ever.”

Bucky smiled tightly. “I just learned this when TJ’s ex tried to get me to sneak out and screw him because he thought I was TJ,” he murmured and Douglas’s neck snapped he turned to look at him so fast. “Figured you fellas might wanna know I sprained a US Senator’s wrist and I might need to call it a night and head back to my hotel before anything goes bad.”

“Nonsense,” President Hammond said with a clearly fake smile. “You’re an honored guest,” he said, then sipped his drink. “That slimy little shit is the problem, not you.”

Douglas lowered his voice. “He seriously thought coming onto TJ after several years would be okay?!” He looked at his father. “If he finds the real TJ and tries that shit, there’s no telling what it could do to him. I mean, he’s been clean the longest he’s ever been, but that kind of shock could-“

“Don’t worry about it,” President Hammond said quietly. “I’ll just have somebody kindly ask him to leave.”

“Probably for the best, Sir,” Bucky muttered. “I’d hate to see what would happen if TJ’s boyfriend found out what that asshole was trying to pull. He actually said, ‘So what?’ to TJ having a boyfriend, and I’m pretty sure Clint wouldn’t think about the way it would fuck things up for you guys if he killed him on White House grounds.”

Douglas groaned. “Jesus, TJ sure knows how to pick them.”

“Ha, I like him,” President Hammond said with a smirk. “A little old for TJ, but he’d definitely kick that little shit’s teeth in over TJ, that’s for sure. I like that in a man.”

Bucky nodded to them both. “Well if you fellas will excuse me, I’m gonna go see if I can find TJ. I’ll keep him distracted so Senator Reeves can’t proposition the real TJ this time. Assuming he hasn’t run for his life after I threatened him,” he added, shaking both their hands before heading off to find TJ.

When he found him, TJ and Clint had found one another and TJ was introducing Clint to people, his hand curled into the crook of Clint’s arm possessively. Bucky was fully confident TJ wouldn’t cheat on Clint, that wasn’t the problem, but he was glad that TJ was showing his claim on Clint so that, should that asshole not have taken the hint and ran away, he’d see TJ holding onto another man and get the hint.

~

After the dinner had ended, Bucky wasn’t really sure what was to come. He assumed maybe some ceremony for the visiting dignitaries, so he was surprised when the last order of the night seemed to be _dancing_. He discovered this because, as soon as the musicians started playing and people started mingling, President Barrish herself walked up to Steve and smiled and said, “Captain, would you do me the honor of being my first dance of the night?” and Steve positively froze up.

Bucky couldn’t help bursting out laughing, loud and far too open for the situation, but Steve’s face was hilarious. President Barrish’s smile grew a little confused and he coughed. “I’m so sorry, Madame President.” He cleared his throat. “Steve’s biggest fear is dancing in public. He’s terrible at it. For all the grace he has in a fight, he’s got two left feet when it comes to dancing. That’s why he’s making that stupid panicked face at you,” he explained.

President Barrish chuckled with understanding as Steve blushed. “Well, no time like the present to learn then,” she said, taking his hand before he could tell her no. Bucky just snorted into his hand at the panicked whimper Steve made as she tugged him out onto the empty space that he now understood was for dancing.

“That boy looks like he’s walking to the gallows,” Margaret said, and Bucky turned around to see her coming to his side. “What’d she say to him?”

Bucky smirked. “Asked him to dance.” He turned and, with a flourish, held out his hand, bowing his head. “Speaking of, can I have this dance, Beautiful?” he asked, winking and she chuckled.

“Oh, you Barnes men and your charm,” she said, sliding her hand into his. “Just keep it easy on my old bones, would ya?” she requested as he led her out onto the floor. 

~

After a long night, Clint finally expected to go back to the hotel they had all checked into, only to have President Barrish invite him, Bucky, and Steve all to come stay the evening with the family while she finished up with all of her duties. Anne and Douglas were staying at the White House for the night anyways, and TJ had been planning to come back to the hotel with Clint, but he accepted for all of them.

Bucky and Steve both seemed to be like kids, fascinated by the ‘behind the scenes’ trip into the First Family’s home, but Clint was more distracted by TJ. As soon as they were out of sight of all the guests, he undid his tie and his top buttons, and he looked absolutely beautiful a little ruffled. “You know, it’s ridiculous how you just have this ‘bad boy’ vibe when you do that,” he said, nodding at TJ’s undone top button. 

TJ grinned. “And to think, I’m the least ‘bad boy’ I’ve ever been in my life.”

“I dunno, you’re dating a spy,” he said and TJ winked.

“Damn straight, Baby.”

When they got to a large sitting room, Clint’s eyes fell onto the most beautiful baby grand he’d ever seen sitting in the corner. It was a beautiful, rich mahogany with the most delicately shaped legs. His fingers itched the way they did when he hadn’t shot his bow in a long time, but this time it wasn’t the string of his bow his fingers wanted to touch.

He casually slipped past TJ as he accepted a ginger ale from Anne while she made the rest of them drinks, heading straight over to the piano. He gently touched the cover that ran over the keys and then lifted it, revealing the beautiful white and black beneath. He glanced up when TJ’s dad came up with his Nana, and sat down at the piano, smiling as he trailed his fingers along the keys. It was an old piano, but not quite an antique. The craftsmanship was flawless.

“Do you know, that’s the very piano TJ composed his first original piece on?” Douglas said, and Clint startled out of his minor reverie to look and see that Anne and Douglas were looking at him. Douglas’s words caught the attention of all the rest, and Clint blushed slightly.

“I didn’t even know he wrote his own music,” Clint said, giving TJ a look. “You said you ‘play a little’,” he accused and TJ’s father gave him the most scandalized look.

“Thomas here could’ve been a world class pianist if life had been a little more kind to ‘em,” he boasted, and TJ rolled his eyes.

“I’m not as good as he has always claimed I am, I promise you,” he said to Clint, smiling as he walked over. “Want me to play something?” he asked, and Clint gave the piano a longing gaze.

“We can play it?” he asked, fingers stroking the middle C. 

TJ raised an eyebrow. “You play? You’ve never mentioned that,” he said, plopping onto the bench beside him.

Clint shrugged. “It’s never come up,” he said, then turned to sit up straighter. He grinned to himself as he started playing and glanced over to wink at TJ’s surprised face. His jaw really dropped when Clint started singing. “Some day when I’m awfully low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight.”

“Holy shit, you can sing too?!” Anne said, walking over to stand at the side of the piano, laughing.

Clint winked and continued, “Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm, and your cheeks so soft. There is nothing for me but to love you, and the way you look tonight.” He looked over at TJ, who just gave him a small, secretive smile then turned to the keys and picked up the melody, making it a duet. “Oh hey, what’re we doing now? Oh, like that, okay,” he said, and it sounded pretty different from the original song, but TJ was able to make a duet for the song work.

“You should be able to pick up the next verse,” TJ said, and when they got there, Clint just smiled at him and continued singing, having to keep his eyes on his hands now that they were doing something different with the song. They ended up bumping hands several times, too used to playing their own things, and Clint eventually gave up, laughing while he sang, and slid down to the edge of the bench so that TJ could pick up the song and play it himself. TJ’s playing was far more intricate and delicate than his, and Clint could tell that TJ clearly was far better trained than he had let on.

When the song finished, everybody clapped and teased them, and TJ poked Clint in the side, facing him with a big smile. “You never told me you can sing.”

“You never asked,” Clint countered and TJ huffed playfully.

“Yeah, well, you have to sing for me every single day now,” he decided and Clint just smirked.

“And I’m gonna make you play for me, because that is not ‘a little’, Baby,” he said, leaning in to peck TJ’s cheek. “You’re like a professional.”

Anne nodded. “Oh yeah, his dad always wanted him to be one.”

Bud gestured with his glass as he walked closer. “I’ve always said, TJ’s talent is beyond a gift from God. The boy took about two lessons before he just started blowing everybody out of the water.”

TJ nodded with a sheepish shrug at Clint. “If I hadn’t been so messed up, I could’ve probably been a concert pianist. Three of my schools I got kicked out of were performing arts schools.”

Clint shrugged. “Hey, you know me, I never finished the fourth grade, so you did better than me,” he said dismissively. He slid his arm around TJ’s middle. “You play almost as beautiful as you look,” he complimented, leaning in to steal a quick kiss.

TJ just smiled bumping their foreheads together. “Your voice does not sound like it would match your face, that’s for damn sure.” He pulled away and turned around. “Does it, Nana?” he asked and she chuckled, nodding. 

“He doesn’t look like a singer, that’s for damn sure, but the kid’s got a hell of a set of pipes,” she said. She winked at him. “You’re stealing my thunder, Sugar. Singing with TJ is usually my job.”

Clint stood up and gestured to the bench. “The come sit and let’s sing one together!” he suggested, and TJ turned around with a big smile.

“Yeah, c’mon, Nana! I can totally play whatever you guys want if you just hum a few bars,” he urged.

Clint glanced his way and winked. “Show off,” he mouthed and TJ just blew him a kiss.

~

Bucky glanced around Steve at the guy standing by the door and snickered. “It’s adorable they’ve got Secret Service watching me ‘n you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to Steve’s cheek as he did so.

Steve grinned, tightening the arm around Bucky’s waist. “Like we couldn’t slip him if we wanted to,” he murmured. He looked out the window, shaking his head. “We’re hanging out in the _White House_ , Buck.”

Bucky hummed, laying his head on Steve’s shoulder. “We should sneak away from this dude at the door and go have sex in a closet,” he whispered and Steve snorted.

“Yeah, that’d look great in the news tomorrow. Breaking News: Captain America caught screwing man in White House.” He was quiet for a minute and Bucky bit off a laugh.

“You’re considering it, aren’t you?” he asked, and Steve smirked, biting his lip as he looked out the window again. Bucky gave him a slow grin, rubbing a hand across his chest. “C’mon, Stevie.” He turned and kissed the side of his neck. “You wanna fuck me in the White House. I know you to,” he purred, kissing his jaw. Steve gave him a sly look and then tipped his glass without warning, spilling it on Bucky’s jacket. “Steve!” Bucky squawked jerking away, and Steve gave him a wide-eyed, faux-innocent look.

“Oh crap, Bucky, I’m sorry!” He put his glass aside. “Come on, we better clean that off before it stains,” he said, and Bucky looked up, raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah?” he asked, then smirked. “Better find the nearest bathroom then.”

~

Steve grunted, fingertips digging into Bucky’s hips, and pressed his mouth to Bucky’s shoulder to muffle himself. Bucky gasped, slamming his fist against the countertop. “Fuuuuuuck,” he panted, head hanging. “Shit, Stevie.” He whimpered and reached back, grabbing a handful of Steve’s hair, grinning when Steve moaned against the back of his neck. “Slow, slow,” he whispered, and Steve slid his hand up Bucky’s abs, pulling back some.

“You okay? I’m not hurting you am I?” Steve asked, and Bucky shook his head, laughing roughly.

“No, no I’m fine,” he said, twisting around to meet Steve in a sloppy kiss. “Just feels good,” he murmured against his lips.

“Sure?” Steve asked, sliding his hands up and down his sides. “Don’t lie to me-“

“Baby, you know I like it rough,” Bucky said, putting his hand over Steve’s, tugging it around to his cock. Steve kissed his shoulder and stroked him slowly. “Oh Baby,” he sighed. “Just cause I like it rough sometimes doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it slow, too.”

Steve kissed the side of his neck, smiling when Bucky moaned, hips shuddering back against him. “Mmmm I love you.”

“You, too, Stevie,” Bucky said, gasping as Steve thrust into him a little harder. “Oooh right there,” he moaned and Steve grinned.

“Right there?”

“Yes, fuck, Stevie,” Bucky breathed, mouth hanging open as Steve fucked him and jerked him off at the same time. 

Steve shivered, nipping at his shoulder. “Bucky, fuck,” he groaned, muffling a groan against his skin.

Bucky panted, biting his bottom lip. “Don’t come in me, I’m not walking around with come sliding down my thigh the rest of the night,” he said and Steve laughed roughly against his skin.

“You’ve done it to me enough times,” he whispered, then nuzzled Bucky’s neck. “God, Bucky.”

Bucky let out a rough sound as Steve stroked him faster. “Stevie, Stevie, Stevie- Fuck!” he gritted out, trying hard to stay quiet. He reached up and slapped his hand over his mouth to muffle the cry on his lips when he came, hips shuddering against Steve.

Steve made a weak sound and pulled out of him, pressing his forehead between Bucky’s shoulder blades as he reached down to finish himself off in only a couple of strokes. He panted, laying his cheek against Bucky’s back. “God, I cannot believe we just fucked in a bathroom at the White House.”

Bucky laughed. “Mark that off the list, then.”

Steve snorted. “Sex in the White House was on your list?”

“Mmmhmm, next I wanna do it on a submarine,” he said and Steve rolled his eyes.

“You’re terrible,” he said, then paused. “Hmmm I wonder if Tony has a submarine,” he said and Bucky barked out a laugh, then elbowed Steve.

“Alright, alright, get off me. Much longer and they’ll think we’re terrorists plotting to build a bomb in the toilet,” he said, searching for his clothes as he turned around, only to have Steve stop him and kiss him slowly. “What’s that for?” he asked, panting when they finished.

Steve nuzzled into his jaw. “Cause I love you.”

Bucky smiled, unable to help himself. “You’re such a punk,” he whispered and Steve just winked, pecking his lips one last time.

“Jerk.”

~

The morning after the dinner, all four of them poured themselves into the table in the hotel restaurant after far too little sleep. Anne was waiting for them, since she was the official guide for the four of them (see: chaperone) until they left for New York the next day. “Wow, I was up just as late as you guys and I’m totally fine,” she said, and TJ smirked.

“Clearly you didn’t get laid, then, so ha. Jokes on you,” he said, and Clint rolled his eyes.

She snorted and looked at Steve and Bucky. “What’s your excuse, then?”

Steve gave her an innocent smile. “We’re in our nineties?” he tried, and TJ snickered into his coffee.

“Looks like you’re the only one that didn’t get some dick last night, Annie,” he teased and Bucky shrugged.

“Nah, we were trying to find anybody that has a submarine we could take a tour of,” he dismissed. He hesitated. “I mean, I did get laid last night, but that was at the White House, we could’ve gone straight to bed when we got to the hotel, we just didn’t.”

Clint choked on his orange juice. “What?! When the hell did you have sex at the White House? And _where_? I had secret service so far up my ass I started to wonder if TJ would get jealous.”

Steve grinned. “Remember how I spilled my drink on Bucky?” he asked, and Bucky wiggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly.

Anne sighed, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you had sex in the bathroom.”

Bucky grinned deviously. “The _White House_ bathroom. Marked one off my list of places I wanna fuck. That’s why we were lookin’ for a sub.”

“So you can fuck on it?” TJ asked, then laughed. “Man, that’s wild.” He looked at Clint. “I don’t have any sex locations list, do you?”

Clint shook his head. “Not really. I’m too used to getting shot at in weird places, so I generally like to keep sex to bedrooms. Occasionally a shower if I’m feeling fancy.”

TJ nodded. “Too many chances of getting photos taken of me sucking a cock and it ending up on the cover of a tabloid.”

As if by divine powers of the universe, Anne’s phone chose that moment to ring. She picked it up and answered with a, “Hey, Doug-“ She stopped and paled then hung up and started typing. 

TJ frowned. “What is it?”

She ignored him for a moment then groaned when she stopped typing. She looked at him ruefully. “Well at last it’s not you sucking a cock,” she said, sliding the phone across the table.

TJ snatched it up and read the headline on the article before spluttering out a curse, “Son of a bitch!” When he shoved the phone at Bucky, Bucky and Steve both burst out laughing, even as they turned pink, at the gossip rag headline.

**Anonymous Source Reports Captain America, First Son Had Sexual Relations At White House Gala**

Bucky just smirked and winked. “Well, looks like we’re back to square one,” he said, and Steve doubled over in laughter as TJ glared and flipped Bucky off without a single word.

**Author's Note:**

> BTW, this fic has a HIGH possibility of having a sequel. I wasn't going to, since it's meant to be fun crack, but I had a great Clint/TJ fic idea.


End file.
